Wednesday, December 20, 2006

2006 sucked

My wish for you for 2007

Gut-wrenching laughter.
Spaces in between chaos.
Happy thoughts when you need them most.
Mimosas with brunch.
A light traffic day when you're running late.
Flat abs.
No flat tires.
Help when you need it.
A surprise.
Glitter lamps, bubbles, & slinky's to play with.
An epiphany - at least one.
Jeans that fit.
A new connection - or a restored one.
Meaningful encounters.
A refreshing swim.
A visit from a friend.
A kind word from a stranger.
Something that makes you feel amazing.
A new outlook.

May your yuletide and new year be filled with the things you need to be happy.

Friday, December 08, 2006

But that's not where your bonus is coming from...

Overheard at a Capital One Holiday Party

Associate 1: What's in your wallet?
Associate 2: American Express.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

where do i sign up?

apparently, here.

how very fitting for winter solstice.

(you may not want to click this at work. instead, click the news link here.)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

happy sad happy sad happy happy sad sad

jump on the rollercoaster with me folks!

we just sold our house.

i'm happy.

money. we can finally start looking for a house here. we got a great offer. we can move forward.

i'm sad.

such a beautiful place. secrets stashed in the corners. buried under spackle and paint over the living room window is the scar from the plate i hurled. sweet things happened there. it would have been good for our future children. blood, sweat, and parts chipped off toes went into landscaping the backyard. the library was my favorite room - unless i was in the shower in the bathroom under the skylight. we never had a lemon from our own tree.

we'll never have a house that pretty and functional again.

ride over.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

the beauty of being together

inside jokes. holding hands in the cold weather. built in date for those annoying office shindigs. wonderful dinners waiting at home. lots of laughter. help when i can't fix something myself. working with someone, not against. guaranteed booty from a trusted source. another income. two people with different ideas and goals struggling to mesh just because of love. eskimo kissing. spontaneous kitchen dancing. conserve water - shower with a friend. voicemails containing our song. you got my back, i got yours. you rub my back, i rub yours. someone to try my new recipe concoctions. middle of the day email conversations discussing how to escape work. combined daydreaming. warm toes. sharp political debates. car games like 20 questions. sharing perfect secrets. sharing not-so-perfect secrets. harmonizing partner. different circle of friends. extended circle of family. kissing. kissing. kissing. whispering fears makes them seem less real. mistletoe. splash wars in the pool. pinky swears. travel partner. no more agonizing over future dates. someone else to help carry the luggage. extra shaving cream always available. forever broadening horizons. staying up all night and watching the sunrise. giggling with someone. foot rubs. heated discussions. christmas presents that don't make any sense to anyone else, but mean more than the most expensive thing in the world. a more complete book collection. the little, every day things. making up "would you rather" scenarios on the road at 3am. combined nervousness when taking pregnancy tests. taking pictures of us together. telling bedtime stories. future kids. flowers. knowing that it's ok to not figure eachother out. love letters. pointing out the shooting stars that the other would have missed. making out in the desert. lunch dates. sharing the harry potter obsession. spring thaw. touching fingers, ET style. the first i love you. every i love you after that. smiles across a crowded room. always finding a rhythm together eventually - even when creating a new beat. walking through security checkpoint and landing in a hug.


Friday, November 24, 2006

thankful for

santa fe with my husband
roxy/remi phrases like devilicious, moofuckingmoo, & "pulling a memphis"
cuarenta y tres con leche
new jobs, new opportunities
lemon trees
european vacations
staple removers
the underappreciated, underutilized sharpie marker
the underappreciated, underutilized dirty martini
road trips across the country
games of "would you rather..."
pumpkin ice cream pie
the fact i can still feel a little hope in the face of this shitty year
spending thanksgiving with my family

Friday, November 17, 2006

just like the cheney's, we're going on a road trip.

only we are moving, not hitting all 50 states, and larry king will not invite us onto his show to talk about it.

santa fe, somewhere oklahoma, knoxville, northern virginia. we'll be driving the I-40 line.

our internet will be cut off today at some point, so perhaps after we arrive in VA on turkey day i'll write something. that is unless i fall into a tryptophan coma.

bye phoenix! we'll miss you.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

written almost 3 years ago, for a time long over

at the horizon,
shades of us
you, slow tuesday jazz
me, a warm red raincoat.

sometimes I see our other selves
in another world
and we're playing,
drawing out rhetoric in thin long lines
climbing boulders and
breaking glass
to make ourselves obvious.

sometimes we are just
legs tangled,
on soft red furniture
in our loft apartment
with twenty foot windows
and fifty foot dreams.

i watch our shadows.

wondering where
we'd be now
makes me hate
where i am.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

The first time I remember tasting New York tap water was when I was staying at my Aunt's gorgeous house upstate. Noticing the consistency of the liquid in my cup I told her that I didn't want milk. She looked at me, laughed, and told me to drink my water.

A few years after that, she came to Phoenix. She was thinner, divorced and had a kick ass leather jacket. I idolized her. She was this cool force - successful, talented, funny. She was an electric breeze that came into my life.

Since we didn't live in the same state, we didn't see each other much. But I thought about her. Bragged that I had a cool aunt to my friends. Heard stories from my parents about what she was up to, where she was living.

The times we did share were in Phoenix, in New York. Shopping trips in Manhattan. Me asking her questions in the guest room in Phoenix. Standing outside Mamma's house in the Bronx. Now these times are in Virginia, sitting around the table at holidays hearing the banter between she and my dad about thier shared childhood as they retold, relived their memories on E. 191st Street.

I don't really idolize her anymore - idolotry to me sounds removed, cold. What I do have for her is warm admiration. I cherish our talks, know that we'll have more giggling moments, more serious conversations, more mimosas.

Happy birthday, Aunt Doretta. Love you.

things i love about fall #1

songs that represent autumn/fall to me

kiss - london after midnight
millenium - killing joke
killing moon - echo & the bunnymen
karma - delerium
now i fall - wolfsheim
another world - beborn beton
christian woman - type o-
fall with your knife - peter murphy
cry little sister - from the lost boys soundtrack
how soon is now - the smiths

anything type o negative, nin, dead can dance, tori amos

forget milk. got goth?

Friday, November 10, 2006


"Hi baby, what's up?"
"Not much, you?"
"Driving home."
"Do you want the bad news? Or do you want to wait?"
Thinking it had something to do with the fact that my husband hadn't finished packing for the move, I breathed out slowly. "Ok, give me the bad news."
"Nelson was killed in Iraq."
"What? No."
He's silent on the other end of the phone.
"No! That's not possible."
"He was killed in battle."
"NO! It's not possible."

It couldn't be true. Not Nelson. Not sweet, smiling Nelson. So polite. So damn smart. An incredible young man. My former student - one of the ones who helped me remember on a daily basis why I loved teaching high school.

I didn't believe it. The tears that came weren't real because it couldn't be happening.

I hung up with my husband. I called Bettina.

"I have some terrible news."

My voice broke. Her disbelief washed over us like the second tidal wave in a suddenly stormy sea.

We know that too many of our students meet unfortunate ends. Death shouldn't steal their hopes, our hopes for them. But it does. And now one of the finest young men I have ever met has been killed?

Bettina and I try to reconcile the news with reality - what should be versus what is. For 20 minutes, we tumble through stories, recount our daily lives, try to cling to scraps of hope.

"Kevin's calling me on the other line. Maybe he knows more. I'll call you back."

I pick up the line.

"It was a mistake. He's ok. I don't know the full story yet, only that he's coming home. He wasn't killed."

The tears that come from relief feel nothing like the hopeless ones of only moments ago. Reality turns real again. In that split second, I can almost understand what a second chance truly feels like. I can almost understand what a mother must feel when finding out her own is still breathing, even if slightly scarred. I can almost understand why belief in a god is necessary.

Almost. Thank God.

the beauty of being alone

listening to the same song over and over again without someone telling me to turn it off. loud, obnoxious karaoke in the middle of the night. finding a single ticket to the theatre when all the seats together are sold out. painting toenails on the couch while watching "Real Sex" and smoking a cigarette. night breeze through the window, sprawled on the bed, only frogs and me breathing. conversations with the dog, no interruption. the peace of only me. obsess. obsess. obsess. sleeping with the blinds open and waking up to sunshine. stretching across the whole bed. the spaces in between. cheese and crackers for dinner; every night. long hot showers. putting on that black dress and looking incredible for me. the delicious wait for the next first kiss. rabidly reading, without pause. rabidly daydreaming, without pause. knowing that everything before me is possible. shameless flirting. the entire closet filled with shoes, purses, and as many damn scarves as i want. strength. girl trips. whenever, wherever. not having to explain that gambling loss. calling my ex and thinking about slipping into old, bad habits. meeting my ex and slipping into old, bad habits. dumping him the next day and moving on. deciding to make cookies, eating half the batter while mixing and throwing out the rest without even turning the oven on. another tattoo without judgment, without telling anyone. painting poetry all over my walls. watching "practical magic" over and over. reaching the summit and feeling accomplishment. cleaning the house and knowing no one is coming home to mess it up. endless buffy marathons. no planning, just living. experiencing the train station, eyes closed, feeling the breeze from the train stir the cool, humid air. walking around naked. picking out my own jewelry and flowers. spontaneous disappearing. listening to garrison keillor every sunday morning. embracing more challenges - keeping my edge. afternoons spent with pictures. amassing an impressive collection of "toys." change. write without accountability. speak without accountability. cute containers of soup for one. not shaving my legs. not shaving there either. spending the holidays with the people i want to see. not having to explain why i unloaded an entire can of raid on a cricket. knowing new sex will happen. not sharing the last bag of popcorn. whispers to the moon are secret, pure. it's ok to be eccentric, odd, "out-there," weird, depressed, mad, drunk. red painted walls. learning, exploring, becoming a better me. simplified tax returns. contemplation. feeling complete.


Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Say it with me people

"Regime change."

Doesn't it sound pretty?

Unfortunately, when I woke up this morning I knew GB is still president

But, the good news is that I am so proud of Arizona. According to the AP "...Arizona became the first state to defeat an amendment to ban gay marriage."

While I can't agree with everything the voters have done in my state (cough whatthefuckareyouthinkingjonkyl cough), I am excited and happy that in Arizona the constitution doesn't define commitment and love based on gender.

In other news, I'd like to shout out a big "goodbye motherfucker" to Rick Santorum. Perhaps with your new time off, education will open your mind a bit?

Monday, November 06, 2006

Celebrate with Mr. Hanky

My company is currently celebrating a big anniversary. To commemorate the founders - and to celebrate the milestone - our campus is holding fun activities all week to get us in the spirit.

Today, we are using Play-doh to be creative and build a sculpture of our choice and enter it into a campus-wide competition.

When I found out about this, I was actually excited! Play-doh? Oh yeah, baby.

This morning, I received my tub of goo. It smells delicious - just like childhood. The problem? Mine is brown.

Somehow, I don't think Mr. Hanky the Christmas Poo is an acceptable entry for today's contest.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

previous music

Brandon Elliot Smith (a former student of mine) - You Lied

Sarah G - Hot Pink Champagne Cotton Candy Makeover

Beat Gorilla feat. Lisa DeBenedictis - Brilliant Daze

Gillian Welch - Soul Journey

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

dye it black

"when i called her evil
she just laughed
and cast her spell on me

happy halloween

oh, and my nanowrimo 2006 blog is up.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Buy Our House - PLEASE!

C'mon. You know you want to move to Surprise.

Here are some pictures!

Good area. I love our house.

Let me know if you're interested!

Friday, October 13, 2006

tonight, i'm in phoenix...

and damn it's good to be home.

even if this will only be home for another month.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

the nanowrimo challenge

so, last year i did nanowrimo. this is what i wrote.

and this year i'm taking the challenge again.

only this year i'm going to be moving cross country for one whole week in november so i will cut myself some slack if i don't reach my 50,000 word goal.

last year i was just lazy (and too perfectionistic).

i'm a writer - i can make up words like perfectionistic.

get off my back.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Boxes of questions

Why are we collectors?

Is it an attempt to feel more connected, more permanent in this world? Do things make us more significant? Define us?

Why do I have a frisbee from the USS Intrepid that I visited at the age of 11 and a program from the Barnum & Bailey Circus from when I was 6? I remember the smell of the Hudson, the taste of cotton candy. Do I need the things from these places to connect?

I still have the Sports Illustrated magazine outlining the events and US hopefuls for the 1984 Olympics - back when Summer and Winter were held in the same year. Is it so I can remember that my girl scout troop came over to my house to watch the opening ceremonies and my mom made Sloppy Joe's for all of us? Am I trying to recapture the connection I felt with the world at the precise moment the torch was lit?

I've lived without these things in boxes for years. Why should I hold on to them? So I can continue to own stuff?

Really, it's just owning me.

Friday, October 06, 2006

Little Life Lesson #1

Never start a brand new job on a Monday.

It may be a bitch for payroll, but it's not about them.

It's about the fact that by Day 3 you'll be gagging on the new names you have to pronounce, cursing the 2 story blisters popping up like new condo complexes on each of your heels (caused largely because you get lost every damn time you go pee), and I guaran-fuckin'-tee you that you'll have a strong desire to suck down 12 martinis while belting out "More Than This" in some backwoods dive bar named Lou's where the "L" is burned out on the neon sign but people show up for cheap beer, cheap women and cheap cigarettes from the prehistoric pull-knob machine in back by the pay phone.

And really, if that is Day 3, wouldn't you rather start your new job on a Wednesday so that Friday night you can pass out under a bar stool in a pool of your own drool?

Monday, September 25, 2006


i keep telling myself that it's only weird when things stay the same.

really, change is the rule, not the exception.

so why does it feel like someone spun me around after drinking too much champagne on new years and then sent me in the opposite direction of home?

why is change, something that happens every day, sending me into loops and twirls?

and why won't my new life feel real until i'm there, in the middle of a new street on a new day and i realize that everything that was real the week before is now my past and isn't part of my day to day life anymore?

i'll write about it - letters to myself in long scribbles on clean pages of my journal - and i'll have all these feelings of loss for my old life - the one in arizona - and excitement for my new life in washington dc.

and the scariest part will come when the change is no longer a change, but normal.

and usually, that's the point when i screw my eyes shut, jump over a cliff into a new horizon, and wait to see where i land.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006


Carbon Leaf's new album Loss Love Hope Repeat has the most awesome-ist bitchin' song - "Learn To Fly".

I must have it.

I also must have Pete Yorn's new CD. Like now. Like I'm going to buy it this week. Like I will feel all-empty-inside-wanting-to-crawl-into-a-corner-in-a-fetal-position-and-I-may-just-die-before-I-get-it-like-for-real-die-not-just-saying-that-because-I'm-all-melodramatic-ok-so-I-am-melodramatic-but-you-people-know-I-can-get-that-way-because-I'm-neurotic-and-don't-judge-me-'cause-you-want-shit-too-so-let-me-jones-for-Carbon-Leaf-and-Pete-Yorn-and-just-shut-up until I get it.

And so what if I will also probably by G.Love's Lemonade. If you heard "Hot Cookin'" you'd buy it too.

Just saying.

Everything must go!

It's official. We are moving to Washington DC. Well, at least northern Virginia.

We're packing the boxes and donating half the house contents. We definitely have too much crap.

And, for the first time I can remember in my life I can fit all my clothes into one closet.

But don't even think that I'm getting rid of all my shoes and purses.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Argh me maties - and a happy birthday!

Today is National Talk Like A Pirate Day. But, even more importantly, it's Jodi's birthday.

Jodi and I have been friends for over 15 years. We've fought like crazy. We've been the best of friends. We've hated each other. We've done nutty things together and laughed over everything and nothing. There have been times we haven't been on speaking terms (most recently due to me). But there is not one day that I don't thank my lucky stars to have a true friend in someone as fabulous as she. She is one of the wittiest people I've ever met in my life. And I couldn't think of anyone better to share her special day with something as awesome as National Talk Like A Pirate Day! YEA!

And for that, I say "Avast me hearties! Raise your grog and raid the bung hole for celebration victuals! It's Wench Jodi's birthday! Toast the beauty and wish her Ahoy and a happy day!"

Saturday, September 09, 2006

Week in Exclusive Detox Resort!

Your host Roxy would like to let you know that she is currently not posting to her blog due to her extended detoxification and "All About Roxy" stay at an exclusive, trendy resort with sweeping mountain views, and a gorgeous private suite. She's very busy with her numerous facials, massages, and occasional drug binges.



Replace "detoxification" with "no food or liquid, just IV's"
Replace "All About Roxy" with "doctors and nurses poking at Roxy"
Replace "exclusive, trendy resort" with "hospital"
Replace "gorgeous private suite" with "not bad private hospital room"
Replace "numerous facials" with "numerous tests"
Replace "massages" with "needle pricks"
Replace "occasional drug binges" with "morphine drip"

The morphine drip is the best part...hopefully I'll be out before another week passes.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

naked wrestling with ranch beans and vibrators

To prep for my flight on Thursday, I've shaved all hair from my body, plucked the strays and have been doing 1000 ab-crunches a day just in case the FAA makes me strip naked to pass through the metal detector. Oh, and since I recently lost 25 pounds, I'm not too worried.

I've packed all liquid in double ziploc bags in my suitcase and thrown out the citrus fertilizer I was going to bring to my mom for her mini-lemon tree. Not quite sure how I'm going to explain the Macayo's Enchilada Sauce and the Ranch Beans that I've carefully packed between skivvies and my interview suit. Hopefully they won't mistake the Rabbit Pearl as a detonator. I'm carrying my ID and a boarding pass to get on the flight. Should I even bother to wear shoes?

By the way, while we are consumed with this mock terror, there are more terrible things happening in the world. If we only focus on the shiny objects in the media, perhaps we can forget the information below:

Thought of the day:
We are spending $8 billion a month in Iraq. That's $2 billion each week, $267 million each day, or $11 million each hour. For what we spend in three weeks, we could make needed improvements in order to properly secure our public transportation systems. For what we spend in five days, we could put radiation detectors in all of our ports. And for two days in Iraq, we could screen all air cargo."

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

The Devil is in the Details

Recently, the Phoenix Business Journal used this title in an article about ASU moving into their new downtown space. I think it is more apropos to use it to address some of the details of our current administration and what I’ve been hearing in the news over the past week.

One thing every journalist knows is details make for a better story. The story of a meth-lab bust in the West Valley is always more interesting when details are given about affected children, the quiet neighborhood streets, the seemingly normal drug dealers. Details make us empathize and when pieced together, show us the big picture.

If this is the case, however, why is it that our government has only been focusing on the details of "terror" instead of society's big picture? The war in Iraq has diverted attention from protecting America from terrorism. This past week 9/11 commissioners said Iraq is distracting from security at home.

This past week, we've learned more about a large-scale terrorist plot to attack the United States. And what is the response from our administration? Political attacks against Democrats - against Americans in our own country.

A prime example is Dick Cheney's response to Ned Lamont's victory in Connecticut. To say that Connecticut voters were supporting Al Qaeda by voting for Lamont is something I expect a terrorist to say - not the Vice President of the United States. Since when is voting for someone who believes differently an act of terrorism?

In the same speech that President Bush said, "Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists" he also said we have "...our freedom of religion, our freedom of speech, our freedom to vote and assemble and disagree with each other."

And so it goes. We gather around exploited details and blanket statements so often that we lose sight of the big picture.

Five years after 9/11, the Bush administration has failed to keep us safe. The Republican Congress hasn't followed through on the recommendations of the 9/11 Commission. The war in Iraq has inflamed the whole Middle East and is helping Al Qaeda attract new recruits. Osama bin Laden is still on the loose.

The big picture shows us that we are not safe - that we probably never will be again. But we must stop reacting to the little details and focus on the big picture. Given our current administration over the past few years, I think the big picture should involve less blaming of Democrats and more working together toward the common goal of security and freedom.

We should all take responsibility for finding out all the information we can - to process the details as part of the big picture. To not resort to partisanship and political jabs. To assess people on track record and a strong vision for the future.

That is how I intend to make my decisions when I vote this fall. By looking at the details and how they influence our society as a whole. Not by listening to the blatant politicized terror threats I've been hearing throughout the past week.

Does that make me a terrorist too?

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

fear, terror, evil-doers, freedom, blah, blah, blah, and other such words in our great Wag The Dog marketing campaign

finally, someone points out that our obsession with the little things takes away focus from the big things. which, in my opinion, is what is wrong with most people today. if we weren't blowing the small stuff out of proportion, the big picture could be addressed.

read this great article.

a snippet:

"US NOW: BE AFRAID!! Oh God, the Brown Bad people could strike any moment! They could strike ... NOW!! AHHHH. Okay, how about .. NOW!! AAGAGAHAHAHHAG! Quick, do whatever we tell you, and believe whatever we tell you, or YOU WILL BE KILLED BY BROWN PEOPLE!! PUT DOWN THAT SIPPY CUP!!"

Monday, August 14, 2006

For them, it's us

On my way to work this morning, NPR was covering the UN cease-fire plan and the withdrawal of Israeli troops from south Lebanon. I started thinking about Hezbollah.

How are these people acceptable in society? I thought to myself. I felt myself getting angry, turning nationalist. Why are they allowed to do this? Why doesn't someone do something?

And the voices grew louder in my head.

Someone should round them up and kill them.

This thought - this toxic thought - swirled in my brain drowning the soft, internal voice that asked why should any kind of killing be sanctioned? and failed to remind me that I don't believe in killing or war as an answer to a problem.

And I thought of the innocents that are affected by this fighting until everything in me was screaming KILL THE BAD MEN!

And I paused as the realization washed over me...

This is what the innocent Iraqis think about the American soldiers who are abusing their positions. This is what the Muslims in this nation are experiencing when other Americans are attacking them for their beliefs.

This is how Americans are seen throughout the world.

And, sadly, with good reason.

Friday, August 11, 2006

Who's the F-in Fascist?

From this article on the BBC: "US President George W Bush said the alleged plot was a 'stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom'."

The only part of that quote that doesn't apply to GW is the word "Islamic."

Blogger Roxy Clafoutie said that GW’s quote is a “stark reminder that this nation is governed by a group of mostly white male fascists who will use any means necessary to destroy those who elected them into office and any semblance of freedom left in this country.”

What is the word for lying to the public, allowing 9/11, passing the Patriot Act, saying that those who believe in freedom are "siding with terrorists" when we really only want to be free and not in a war over OIL, not about terrorism at all?

A system of government marked by centralization of authority under a dictator (take power away), stringent socioeconomic controls (oil? gas? travel? investments overseas? privacy? wiretapping?) , suppression of the opposition (people who opposed the Patriot Act are "terrorists") through terror (fear, fear, fear) and censorship (if you think you really know what is happening in our government and what really happened on 9/11, you don't know what has been censored), and typically a policy of belligerent nationalism ("you're either with us, or you're with the terrorists")and racism (must I find examples?).

Read the definition people and tell me you don’t see it.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

really, slumbering is the last thing i think about

When I think slumber party, sleep never enters into my mind. I hear music, see big bowls of puffed popcorn and smell chocolate chip cookies baking. And since my teen years (and maybe a bit before) I think boys and booze.

Slumber parties are essential to the girl growing up experience. My 9th birthday - it must have been because it was 1984 - was my first official slumber party. We swam, watched MTV, and launched ourselves off my parent's coffee table while listening to Van Halen's "Jump" over and over again.

At my 13th we watched scary movies, played "light as a feather, stiff as a board" and "bloody mary," and fried the ends of cheetos with the fire flickering from the candles we lit (it doesn't improve the taste). The following year - my freshman year of high school - a group of neighborhood boys found out about the party and spied on us and launched stink bombs to get us to run out of the house in our PJ's. Instead - they got my mom. A subsequent slumber party culminated in making burnt chocolate cinnamon ice cream (don't ask how we burned it) on the kitchen floor (with my little brother staying up with us) and laughing so hard my mom came flying out of her bedroom and yelled at us to be quiet.

Tomorrow night, we are having a slumber party. Sixteen Candles, Brat Pack movies, beer, boys, making postcards, giggling, karaoke, games, and maybe even some tarot cards or seances. Who knows?

Women will be girls. And I know someone is going to get her bra frozen.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

don't even think about telling me what constitutes family...

As you may know, the so-called "Protect Marriage Amendment", has been designated with the proposition number 107. Arizona Together and Planned Parenthood have joined forced to stop this amendment.

This proposition is not only a crass attempt to influence this election to hurt progressive causes, but it will also hurt families who depend on benefits from their employers.

We are building up our force to fight back, and we need your help.

Planned Parenthood is committed to helping Arizona Together build up a strong volunteer core. We will work to increase the dedicated volunteers from 2,000 to 5,000 by the day the first ballot is cast! We will identify who wants to help, in what ways, and when. Come join your friends and family as we keep building to defeat this initiative.

The FIRST Wednesday of every month is PLANNED PARENTHOOD VOLUNTEER NIGHT for the Arizona Together campaign.

The campaign will make calls from 6:00 p.m. to 9:00 p.m. at 319 E. McDowell Road every night with times available for daytime volunteering. Planned Parenthood supporters are encouraged to join us the FIRST Wednesday, but will be welcome ANYTIME! Training for new callers will be provided.

RSVP for Planned Parenthood Volunteer Night Here!

There will be food, fun and victory at the polls!

Thursday, July 27, 2006

finger crossin' and coast hoppin'

Just had a preliminary phone interview for an awesome opportunity with my company in Virginia!

Next step is a flyout to the campus for an official interview.

I think I can I think I can I think I can...

Screw that.

I KNOW I will.

(oh, and if I'm using you for a reference, please don't say anything truthful about me. make up all the good shit that you can...)

Saturday, July 22, 2006


it's the "cide" that makes the word so furious, harsh.

"sui" is misleading, soft.
like the word "why" when whispered in question form.

the act of killing oneself. is it implied that suicide only kills one person.

that implication is wrong.

while the people at your funeral today will be alive, breathing air - a part of them has died. and just like you, that part can't be brought back.

dave szalay
may your soul be at peace

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

possibilities pop like ripe berries

and just like that the world opens.

without warning.

it's as if i'm a damn disney character - thinking it's a whole new world.

keep your fingers crossed for me!

more news to follow...

Sunday, July 16, 2006

and this my friends, is the reason for the war on "terror"

"If all American vehicles were compelled to comply with European efficiency standards, America would not have to rely on Saudi oil." - The Observer

remember this as you fill up your SUV's with the "Support Our Troops" ribbons...

Friday, July 14, 2006

awkward anomoly
slow motion atrophy

i hide in a paper cup.

moving windmill thoughts
twirling like plastic tops

i slide on the grief in my mind.

and i'm vacant
and i'm restless
blue film over the void.

and i'm twisted
and i'm tired
truth in a circle of lies.

Thursday, July 13, 2006


Lisa DeBenedictis



sample. (by The Beat Gorilla). (by superhuman).


Freak Fest

1. A thing or occurrence that is markedly unusual or irregular: A freak of nature produced the midsummer snow.
2. An abnormally formed organism, especially a person or animal regarded as a curiosity or monstrosity.

1. A gathering or occasion characterized by a specified activity. Often used in combination: a music fest; a chilifest.

Both of these definitions failed to prepare me for this year's Ozzfest. I willingly volunteered to work the university booth - hadn't been to Ozzfest since it truly was a concert featuring Ozzy. My thought - Ozzy is the cake - the rest of the bands are just yummy, satanic frosting.

Since Ozzy doesn't do his namesake fest anymore, I figured I'd go work the event to people watch and hear some bands that I didn't know. Perhaps I'd find some new music and get reacquainted with my semi-dormant freakself.

The epiphany that I was no longer one of the freaks came the second I stepped out of my car in the parking lot.

warning, graphic exposure to disgusting language and stupid people ensues


The word roared through the speakers. The bass voice, probably destroyed from barking filthy lyrics into his hairbrush as he danced in front of the mirror in his youth, was inhuman. "Chant it, bitches! Fist - F*ck! Fist - F*ck!" The microphone quivered.

The mindless automatons in the audience follow his fistf*ck cry as he talks about your mom, your dad, your friends, how you should do it in the car.

"Who wants to Fistf*ck?!" Again discharging the snarling, scream-bark through the reverberating speakers.

1, 2, 3 - Not It!

In that instant, I knew. I knew I would no longer classify myself as a freak. I knew that given the choice between Republicans and Fistf*ckers, I'd choose Republicans. I knew my freakdays were over. Might as well pack up the collar and riding crop and sell them at my next garage sale or put them in the pink bag for bi-yearly collection by the Vietnam Vets.

Knowing that I was no longer one of them, I still chose to go inside and work the booth. Situated between the bong shop with the blanket backdrop of the black-haired, buxom bong-toting babe and the game "Kick me in the F*cking Head Bitch," our booth still managed to attract some semi-strange spooks wanting to play "Guitar Hero" on the X-Box.

The world traveled by to the score of disjointed, talentless music with lyrics that would make a retro punkrocker blush. It was a sea of mullets, Mohawks, Mull-hawks, skunk-do's, and various fuzz-heads as fried as their hair. There were Twisted Bitch t-shirts, "Enjoy Refreshing Vagina" shirts, and clothing that expressed every-which-way-to-iterate-fuck possible. Weed wreaths, mary-jane flavored candy. Asses, boobs, painted skin, tattooed and pierced everythings - the standard.

These were not the things that bothered me.

It was the kids.

The 11 year olds decked out like a walking advertisement for weed. 5 year olds in beer tees. Kids wearing Jack Daniels label shirts. The 7 or 8 year old boy with the Trojan Condom headwrap. The 10-12 year old girls showing what their growing. These little kids - who were with their parents - were being treated as adults - revered for their "adult" clothing. I don't care what kind of antisocial anomoly your think you are, a t-shirt with the word Fuck isn't appropriate for a young child.

I finally left the show midafternoon, in despair for our future. As I walked through the front gate, I'm sure I heard sure some 10 year old chanting "fistf*ck".

*changed to prevent people searching for the word from ending up at my website. i've already lost most of my faith in humanity - i don't need to fall into complete despair.

Monday, July 10, 2006

I may be lame...

but HEM is not.

So what - I found this band because I liked the song on the Liberty Mutual commercial. Whatever. Ethereal voice, lullaby-like melody and just juicy wonderful.

Listen to them here.

(Music summary from sidebar:
  • Sufjan Stevens - Illinois

  • KT Tunstall - Eye to the Telescope

  • Sia - Colour the Small One

  • Train - For Me It's You

  • Ben Harper - Better Way

  • The Cardigans - Live & Learn
  • )

    Wednesday, July 05, 2006

    War is the answer...

    if What is Hell is the question.

    (the link contains some graphic, but necessary, imagery. i wonder if the people dropping the bombs see this...and i wonder if they care.)

    Sunday, July 02, 2006

    "A Las Vacas*," part 3

    Day 10 (Monday, 5.6.06)
    Walking tour - Notre Dame, rose garden, big cheese, oldest tree in Paris, side streets.

    Took boat tour of monuments on the Seine.

    *btw - "a las vacas" is what heather said one night when she tripped over saying"a las vacaciones." yes we were drunk. so, we kept toasting to the cows.

    Friday, June 30, 2006


    When I lived on the East Coast, I wanted to move back to Phoenix. For 7 years, I droned on about the grandeur of the west - the spirit of Arizona. When I finally decided to leave Richmond, I told everyone that I was coming home. I wandered through the streets and my favorite places in my mind's eye. I desperately wanted to be there - here - in the desert, in my perfectly photoshopped memories of mountaintops and summer swimming pools. I told my friends, my family who cautioned that "you can never go home again," that I knew my new life in Phoenix would be different - that I didn't want it to be like when I was growing up. And, I truly didn't want it to be the same. I just wanted to be in the place that I loved.

    Upon my return to 115+ degree summers and plum colored dusk, I plunged myself into new surroundings with new people, new ideas. I rarely visited the places I used to visit - hardly saw the friends I used to see. I came back to the grown up version of my hometown.

    When did it all change? Was it when I went to college? The years I spent in Tacoma and Seattle finding my voice and expanding my mind didn't make the rest of the world stand still. And though I continued to dream of my home - the Phoenix of the 1970's & 80's - when I moved East, it truly didn't exist anymore and I was too far away to notice.

    Today, I left my office in Northwest Phoenix to get lunch at a place I liked when I was younger. I drove past my growing up places - Cortez Pool, Cholla Jr. High, Moon Valley High School, the dirt field we weren't allowed to cross, soccer fields, my grandparents neighborhood, houses of friends long gone and rarely remembered, my brother's baseball diamond. In less than the hour it took for my round trip, I had thought a thousand memories of the things I loved about Phoenix.

    I used to think that I missed Phoenix the place. Now I live here...and I still miss it. The reality is that this city of 5,130,632 people is completely different than my memories of childhood.

    I feel a little ridiculous now, knowing this obvious fact never occurred to me before today. I never longed for Phoenix while living far away. I just wished for slower days, the long drawn time of youth, peach hued sunsets, slumber parties, hot nights with friends, diving into a cool pool, watching the morning light filter through my bedroom window, stewing in my dark teenage thoughts as a monsoon climbed over the horizon.

    Missing Phoenix was my way to miss childhood. I created this place as part of me. It was the only way to feel safe like I did when I was young and invincible. I'm no longer invincible - and the Phoenix part of me is in the past.

    I'm ready to go home now.

    Wednesday, June 28, 2006

    "A Las Vacas," part deux

    Because there are so many pictures of Prague and Paris, I'm posting the second half of our trip in a few different parts...

    Day 8 (Saturday, 3.6.06)

    At Prague castle we admired the view:

    saw St. Vitus Cathedral - both outside

    and inside -

    visited tempting castle alleyways,

    and St. George's Basilica.

    After a nap - we went to the Astronomical Clock,

    Starometske Namesti plaza & Tyn Church,

    Charles Bridge,

    and spent the night lost in Bohemia.

    Day 9 (Sunday, 4.6.06)
    A little shopping and some final pictures before bording the flight to France.

    Saw the Milka cow at the Prague airport - promptly took a picture.

    Arrived St. Germain Des Pres hours later and went to the hotel:

    Soaked up the view of the Seine and Notre Dame at a late dinner:

    to be continued...

    Tuesday, June 27, 2006

    Honorary Queen of The Universe for the Day

    Today in Roxyland, I dub thee, Amy Delisa, Queen of the Universe for the Day.

    Why does Amy, aka Amu, deserve such an honor?


    She dug through her dusty storage room to locate her even dustier VCR and then proceeded TO FIGURE OUT how to hook the damn thing up to her television and record from her highly coveted OnDemand channels (because Comcast is so much more evolved than Cox). Do ANY OF YOU know how to hook a VCR up to a TV anymore? Yeah - me neither.

    Not only that, but then she MAILED THE TAPES TO ME. No one goes to the post office anymore - do they? No one except the exceptional Amu - and she did that FOR ME.

    To all the people who are not Amu, I'm disappointed with you.

    Amu's true friendship is my beacon in an otherwise dark and Sopranoless community.

    Monday, June 26, 2006

    I Demand

    I realize there are many problems in this world. Vast suffering, hopeless people, terrible fates, disease, starvation, treachery, violence, and unspeakable horrors.

    Because I know this, I shouldn't bitch about the fact that Cox Cable doesn't have OnDemand service.

    I'm going to anyway.


    What? What's that you say? How is that possible?

    I. haven't. a. damn. clue.

    While other cable companies catapulted into the 21st century with the addition of OnDemand years ago, Cox is taking its sweet, let's-see-how-long-we-can-continue-to-screw-people-out-of-this-service time in introducing this necessity.

    So you say, "Roxy, your monthly cable bill must be so much cheaper than mine because your cable company obviously and completely sucks harder than a whore on Van Buren."

    To which I respond, "Au contraire! Cox has their greedy little fingers on my wad of cash AND I pay more for less than what I used to receive - just like a pimp during Sunday morning payouts."

    When I asked the Cox representative if they would be getting OnDemand anytime soon, he informed me that he doesn't know anything about OnDemand - what it is, how it works, or if his company would be providing that service soon.


    And perhaps I can pay for it by canceling Cox.

    Sunday, June 25, 2006

    Paris Preview

    I'll post the second half of our trip later today or tomorrow morning. In the meantime, enjoy Paris!

    Le Tour Eiffel

    On the Seine

    Outside Musee d'Orsay

    Tuesday, June 20, 2006

    Good Lord!

    Does anyone on this Earth have a recording of the season finale for Sopranos and Big Love that they can let me borrow?

    I'm beginning to thing that I'm totally screwed and will NEVER see these finales!

    I think I'm the only person on the planet that doesn't have a freakin' TiVo.

    "A Las Vacas," the first week...

    Leave Phoenix on Friday 26.5.06

    Day 1 (Saturday, 27.5.06)
    Arrive Siegburg. Stay at cute Hotel Zum. Party with friends and drink all five selections on the bevvy menu plus champagne, a glass of wine, and some beer. Stumble back to hotel.

    Day 2 (Sunday, 28.5.06)
    Shop Siegburg.

    Go to lovely palace on Rhine. Husband professess it is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

    Spend time with friends.

    Go to Dom in Cologne.

    See some windows.

    Go to biergarten. Drink Kolsch.

    Day 3 (Monday, 29.5.06)
    Catch metro to Cologne from Siegburg and do some shopping at H&M, my favoritest store. Drink coffee with hubby & Heather.

    On the way back to Siegburg, fall UP the flight of stairs while trying to catch the train. Whine a bit about my finger, leg, and ankle.

    Go to Bastei, drink a Kir Royale and a bottle of wine, feel better.

    Day 4 (Tuesday, 30.5.06)
    Finger is completely f-ed, though ankle feels fine. Go to Apotheke in Siegburg to try and get a splint. No such thing. Instead, get Heparin syrum for swelling. Begin finger exercises as instructed by Physical Therapist friend Heather. Practice flipping people off, ice it down. Tape on mock splint and go to airport to fly to Berlin. Take pictures of gnomes at the subway in Cologne airport.

    Fly to Berlin and go to KaDeWe. Go to dinner at lovely, traditional German restaurant in East Berlin. Eat great food and drink wonderful wine. Walk through city. Touch the Wall.
    Feel monumentally sad at the way the human race destroys itself.

    Day 5 (Wednesday, 31.5.06)
    Visit Checkpoint Charlie,

    see some awesome domes,

    Charlottenburg, , have coffee at cafe at Charlottenburg,

    and go to KaDeWe again. Have incredible evening with friends speaking German, Spanish, and Italian.

    Thumb-press orechiette.

    Eat mozarella, honeydew and fig vinegar salad, orechiette/gnocchi with sauce from scratch.

    Polish off 5 bottles of awesome red wine and a couple of shots of hooch from Sardinia.
    Completely love everything about life.

    Day 6 (Thursday, 1.6.06)
    See the Reichstag,

    the Brandenburg Gate

    and Die Drei Musketiere at the Berlin Opera House.

    Day 7 (Friday, 2.6.06)
    Wake up, take cab to Berlin train station. Notice awesome cleat sculpture in front of station. Read stories of World Cup teams and players. Take train to Prague.

    Hotel Opera,

    Vaclavske Namesti,

    and dinner with wine at "Hot".

    Win Kc3000 (around $100 American) at casino in Wencelas Square (Vaclavske Namesti).

    Later this week - Part Deux including Prague Castle, Paris, and World Cup Stuff!

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    Stupidly self-centered for over 3 decades!