Saturday, October 29, 2005

Flash Fiction Friday

It was just a bad feeling she had deep inside - in the space where dark wishes gather and separate. Charlie had been gone ten weeks as of yesterday. Ten weeks. She marked the days in her mind, carefully drawing a line through each day on her imaginary calendar. One slash per day.

This time, he was gone for good. No wisp of hope or outside force could change that simple fact.

She was glad there would be no goodbye. His gray eyes wouldn't bore into her like cool, collected steel. He wouldn't read her thoughts or try to reassure her. His words wouldn't be her Jesus. She couldn't be saved with simple gospel and blind acceptance.

She wondered what he would have said...if he could have said anything. She used to define herself by what he said. She reached for his words, swallowed them warm and easy like liquid chocolate on a November night. In the past, she always did what he said. She always took the pills.

He always called her by name to get her attention - never used nicknames. He never apologized for interrupting or explained why he was there. Sometimes, he'd feed her sweet senitments before condemning her. She had to listen, frozen in front of the mirror. He locked her gaze - he had control.

At one point, she considered leaving so he could carry on without her. His life would have been easier. But she was stronger than that. She threw out the pills that made him the dominant one.

Rosanna laughed to herself. She had the control now. Now when she looked in the mirror, she saw herself - not him. He's been gone for ten weeks now. Ten weeks. She knew because she had her imaginary calendar and carefully marked a line through each day.

He's gone for good. He was just a bad feeling she had deep inside - in the space where dark wishes gather and separate.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Again, from Stat Counter

I posted here about how people arrive at my blog through search engines.

Here are the latest and greatest searches that landed surfers at Roxy's World:

This person was looking for drugs, and got me instead. Notice the spelling of said drug...

Apparently images of twitchy eyelids are all the rage as there were three people who searched this and arrived at my site.

Again with the drugs.

I don't even want to typethis one out. You have to click it. Preferably not at work.

Monday, October 24, 2005

A little story for Ginger's "16th" Birthday

Ginger and I used to go out and tear up the streets of Richmond quite a bit in the old days (read: two years ago). We've met some interesting people while endeavoring to remain upright after drinking heavily. Two we reminisce about occasionally are Dude & Ek.

We met the happy couple out at a David Carter shin-dig one night. As usual, we were toasted. Ok, we were smashed. Tell the truth? We were blitzed from smoking in the bathroom and drinking red-headed slut shots like they were cups of kiddie kool-aid.

Dude Williams was definitely a man's man. He was older - not quite crusty - but defintely browning around the edges. His lover, Ek, was a series of B's: bug-eyed, blond and busty. I can guarantee you that Dude & Ek weren't christened with those bar monikers. To this day, I couldn't tell you their given names. But I can tell you that they could party.

Shot after shot. Drink after drink. Slur after tasteless slur. Dude and Ek were like senior citizens on a day pass from the crazy farm. At one point, when Dude put his hand in Ek's shirt, I almost passed out from shock. Actually, I probably almost passed out from alcohol poisoning, but let's not get into that.

Our experiences with Dude & Ek culminated in a parking lot dance party after we closed down the bar. We set the CD to repeat The Gourds "hick-hop" cover of "Gin N Juice" and we turned the volume all the way up, flung open the doors and got our dance on. Dude & Ek broke it down, twirling around the parking lot, Dude trying to cop a feel on all three of his hoes at the same time. After three-plus repitions, we said our goodbyes to Dude & Ek crawled back into the car to pass out for a while before continuing on to yet another party.

Someday I'll write about Ray Rice - who Ginger and I met on a South Carolina beach. He had knocked up his girlfriend and told us it was his sister. Or maybe I'll skip that story and write about "The Longest Day Ever" which included chunky grass brownies, a Redskins game, Jerold the man/woman drug-dealer who was confined to his house by his police-monitored anklet and two trips around the Beltway that culminated in Ginger peeing down her leg in my mom's kitchen. Ahh, good times.

Happy Birthday, Ginger...

Thursday, October 20, 2005

From the awesome people at the Human Rights Campaign

It's easy to be angry when...

...the Vatican instructs Catholic Seminaries to look for "evidence of homosexuality" in seminarians and priests.

...pastors in West Virginia and Massachusetts are ousted by their churches for supporting GLBT rights.

...a child is expelled from a Christian school because her parents are lesbians.

The truth is, religious fundamentalists are controlling the conversation about values in America. And right now, it is only getting worse.

The Human Rights Campaign is done with being angry about the hateful actions of so-called religious leaders. And we're done with letting them do all the talking. We're launching an unprecedented campaign to "change the conversation" with our new Religion and Faith Program. Will you help? Click here to make a contribution to take the program from a plan to reality.
The Religion and Faith Program is best described by a conversation I had earlier this year, when I began crossing the country to talk about equality. When I spoke with a legislator from a heartland state about marriage between same-sex couples, he said, "Joe, I am ready to help you. But you and I will get nowhere if we can't start really talking to the people in my state, and talking to them in the language of values and faith. Until you can do that, we won't make a difference."

When I returned to DC, we got back to work. It wasn't easy - but we were determined to start changing the conversation. You see, for many of us at HRC, religion has not been a source of solace but, rather, a place of rejection and anger. But we've had to put those powerful emotions aside in order to work with courageous, fair-minded faith leaders from all walks of life to put together a plan for this program. Every day the need for this work becomes clearer. And here's what we're doing, with your help:

Finding and promoting the many equality-minded faith leaders like Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire, Dr. Susan Thistlethwaite of Chicago, Bishop John Selders of Hartford, CT, and Rabbi Denise Eger of Los Angeles. It's time we heard their courageous voices in the media to counteract the closed-minded sound bites of extremists like Pat Robertson, James Dobson, and Fred Phelps.

Creating preaching guides and resources about how to talk about GLBT equality with congregations, and then putting them in the hands of pastors, priests and rabbis who are hungry for this help. They WILL preach fairness if they have our help.

Under the leadership of our new Religion & Faith Program Director Harry Knox, we are working closely with individuals and groups who attend temples, churches, and mosques across the country, people who are changing their religions from within. They need our materials, our strength, our support. They need to know that HRC members are standing with them.

This program is the most important campaign that HRC has launched in a long time - and we're doing it on top of our other critical work. Please help us hit the ground running with the full force of HRC's membership - make a contribution today.

I am personally so excited about "changing the conversation." I hope that you are, too. I believe this is the right strategy to fling open the doors of our nation's churches, synagogues and mosques, and to open minds and hearts as well. Thank you in advance for your support, once again.


Joe Solmonese, HRC President

P.S. Do you have a story to share about your religious community? Or perhaps you know of a faith group that is courageously standing up to religious leaders. Let us know. Click here.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Interesting factoids

According to my "Stat Link" for my weblog, some people have been arriving at my blogspot through interesting search queries.

The most interesting one? If you search for "naked mexican" in MSN search, my blog is the third on the list.

If that doesn't float your fancy, try this search. I'm website number 4 on page 14.

Things I miss about Richmond

Pizza from Bottoms Up.
Cary Town Watermelon Festival.
Cary Town - period.
James River.
Baker's Crust breakfast on Sunday morning.
Hollywood Cemetery.
Lane Sanson.
Irish carbomb shots.
David Carter (dot-com).
Magnolia Trees.
Parties at Susan's.
Molly's screened in porch.
Tailgating the Strawberry Hill races.
Drag brunch.
The Aquarian on Ellwood.
Sales at High Cotton.
Saxon Shoes.
Snow in open fields in winter.
Tree frogs in summer.
Monument Avenue in fall.
Anywhere in Spring.
Texaco happy hour.
Shockhoe Espresso - late at night in winter.
Penny Lane Pub.
Lee - the fantastic, gorgeous hairdresser/rock band leader.
The ability to drive to the beach for dinner on a "school night."
My friends & my brother.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Waiting for more...

It rained last night. Not the slow trickling drizzle of laziness, but more the cathartic pour to cleanse the streets and make the desert smell damp.

This morning - small puddles washed in October light.

Humid air blows around corners, seeking upturned faces. There is fog on the mountain. It isn't cold, just delicious.

The slant of sunrays are different - silver and timid instead of their usual bold, blazing gold.

We're waiting, checking the windows, measuring the distance of the clouds.

It's 8:50, no rain. 8:55, none. 8:57, a cloud moves over the sun. 9:00. Still no rain. 9:00-11:00 meeting in room without a window. Kills me to not know.

11:04 - Glorious rain confirmed!

Monday, October 17, 2005

Near and Dear

updated at end
Today I write about something near and dear to me - kids. Even more specifically, teenage kids. More specific? Kids who attend Premier/John Glenn Charter school at 75th Avenue & Indian School in Phoenix, Arizona.

These kids are getting completely fucked over by several entities. One is the Arizona State Board of Education. Another? The school's administrators.

I taught at this school for two years. I met my husband there. I met some fantastic kids. I worked for idiots.

My husband came home from work today to tell me about a situation at the school. There was a fight - between a group of "hispanic" girls and a group of "black" girls. I know some of the girls in both groups - and I like the girls that I know in both groups. They are basically very good kids who are trying to survive a really rough time in their lives.

These "groups" exchanged words today. There was a huge fight. The girls called each other every name in the book - some that make me blush (and those of you who read this blog know that is tough to do). One of the end results? After the fight, one of the girls, who is four months pregnant, ends up laying down on a table to calm herself down because her stomach is in pain. My husband kept guard in the room (after chasing around to break up the fight, going to the bus stop by the school to stop another fight, and then keeping the girl away from the principal who was SCREAMING at her). The girl is getting increasingly more uncomfortable and asks for her parents to be called. She then says that she feels the need to go to the hospital. At this point, she is writhing in pain.

My husband calls 911. He tells the 911 EMT's that there was a fight at the school and the girl is pregnant and having a hard time. He then alerts his administrators who are in their office EATING CHIPS AND DISCUSSING WHO IS AT FAULT, not helping out in the main body of the school. He asks that the girl's parents be called.

The EMT's arrive. They assess that the girl is bleeding. My husband is out of the room now and asking the other teachers to not let their students out of the classroom. The VP of Discipline tells my husband that his idea is a good one - that the other kids shouldn't be gaping at what is happening to the girl who may lose her baby.

For the rest of the day, the racial slurs are in full effect. The black students, white students, and the hispanic students, are all taking sides. My husband hears the ugliest of terms - "nigger" and "spic" - in between words that indicate that there will be guns and knives and big fights tomorrow.

The administrators finally make an appearance when the authorities show up. The EMT's had reported the fight to the police. The police are taking a report. The administrators are pissed off at my husband because they would have NEVER filed any report whatsoever. The same as when they didn't file a report last year when a kid brought a gun to school. The same as when they didn't file a report when they caught a girl dealing cocaine in the bathroom.

There are many other ins and outs to this story that I'm going to leave out because I'm flaming mad and trying to figure out what to do about this for the sake of these kids. I reported things to the state after I left the school last year. This year, the school is under watch by the state for other reasons - mainly because the kids aren't meeting the minimum test scores.

John Glenn Academy/Premier High School just got at $10M bond for furtherance of education facilities. These idiots who DO NOT EVEN HAVE POLICIES & PROCEDURES IN PLACE FOR TEACHERS AND STAFF for emergency events (actually, there are NO policies and procedures in place whatsoever), just received $10 MILLION DOLLARS. Read that again people - $10 MILLION DOLLARS.

There is no leadership in place in this institution. There are no guidelines. There is no attempt at diversity education whatsoever. In the 2004-2005 school year, I taught from August until April and NOT ONE Administrator ever stepped into my classroom to see what I was teaching the kids. NOT ONE. There is no discipline policy that is enforced. There is no sense of community with the kids. There is no leadership involvement with the kids. The teachers are blamed for everything that is wrong - even though they are the ones who discipline, direct and console those kids on a daily basis. There is no one at the top taking any responsibility for what is happening. And while all the racial groups screw up royally, most of the time only the hispanic or white kids get suspended.

I could begin to rant even more. I could go into countless examples of what happened while I was teaching there. Let me focus on today.

My husband went to the girls' volleyball game this evening after school. Some of the girls were involved in the riot at school today. The school's administrators dropped the girls off at the game. My husband and the coach ended up bringing the girls home because the administrators never came back.

The clincher? My husband called the Vice Principal this evening to ask if there was going to be extra security on campus tomorrow. This VP is a good man - nice guy, I have respect for him. However, he told my husband that tomorrow the administration was going to have a talk with him about his actions. I stood there as my husband was on the phone. The VP asked my husband why the police showed up. My husband reiterated that he told the EMT's that the pregnant student was hurt and they asked how she got hurt. He told the EMT's that there was a fight but he didn't know the details. The EMT's made the call to the police, not my husband.

And now they are going to take disciplinary action agains my husband? I DON'T THINK SO.

My husband and I were both in tears tonight thinking of the student who was suffering and bleeding on that classroom table. He did what was in the best interest of the child. Anyone who wouldn't do as such is inhumane and should be removed from contact with children IMMEDIATELY.

Suggestions on course of action (for the kids, not my husband - we are more worried about the kids than the state of hubby's job) are completely welcome. I've already started my letter to the Charter School Board, my congressmen and Tom Horne at the AZ Department of Education.

The pregnant young student is ok - well, somewhat ok. She did not lose the baby and is at home for a few days to recover from her stress. The administration has suspended her for 10 days.

My husband was observed today and told that his lesson was worthless. It covered AZ state standards and used teaching strategies from the book that the administration has been using to "improve" teaching methodology. All of his reviews - from the State of Arizona representative who gives reviews monthly - have been exceptional to date. All of a sudden, his review is horrible.

Draw your own conclusions.

Most importantly - the students are okay for now. And information is being sent to the appropriate authorities.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Dorian Gray

Last night, Remi and I sat out on the patio at a local restaurant drinking margaritas, shooting the shit. We've spent many a night this way - kicked back, relaxing, talking about nothing in particular.

The sunset turned the sky orangey blue. Our margaritas were limey green. We're laughing. Remi catches a glimpse of the table on the inside of the restaurant through the window.

"I love watching old ladies drink beer," she says, pushing the rock salt from the rim of her blue glass.

"Me too." I watch their wrinkled faces through the window as they sip their beers.

Remi smacks me. "That's gonna be you and me when we're old. It's like looking into an aging-mirror."

As if on cue, the women inside the restaurant laugh.

I wonder if they are thinking the same thing.

Friday, October 07, 2005

Conversations with God

After reading this article, I thought I should come clean. I too, having been having some talks with God. I know what you are thinking - Roxy doesn't believe in God. But she does - just not in the Fundamentalist way.

The article states:
One of the delegates, Nabil Shaath, who was Palestinian foreign minister at the time, said: "President Bush said to all of us: 'I am driven with a mission from God'. God would tell me, 'George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did. And then God would tell me 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq'. And I did."

Mr Bush went on: "And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, 'Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East'. And, by God, I'm gonna do it."

It continues on and you can read it by clicking the link above. However, it is time for my confession.

Sometimes, I think God talks to me too. He says "Roxy, George W. Bush is an evil man with a simple mind. There is nothing more dangerous than someone in power who can't back up his statements with logic. He only believes that he's correct because he can point his finger to the sky and say that I'm guiding him. How can anyone argue with that? What they fail to realize, Roxy, is that I am everything. And most of all, I am your conscience that guides you. How can anyone believe that something so powerful could be guiding a man who is so petty?"

I agreed with God. I told him he should go directly to the Bush, let him know how he feels. God told me that he has tried to talk to George W. Bush. The only problem? GW doesn't listen and can't hear a damn word God is saying.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Overheard, outside my office door

G: It is a porn racket - like women with animals.
R: That's beastiality!
G: Well, I'm okay with that.

I kid you not.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Track 6 defined

My body buckles in a funk-a-licous groove, a zappy beat living in my shoes...

Run - don't walk - to your local music store.

Bite sized sample of L.S.F. here:

About Me

Stupidly self-centered for over 3 decades!