Thursday, June 30, 2005


The girl at the coffee shop looks like Gwenyth Paltrow. Naturally graceful - nose ring, oaky hair and tan frame. Lithe face, unnaturally long fingers. She is beautiful and serves me cream.

I wonder what her life story is...

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Friday, June 24, 2005

Feeling Political...

Karl Rove is a jackass. This is not new news. I don't know why I find myself riled everytime I hear a story about how he opened his mouth to spout yet another inane and imbecilic remark. I should be used to his pedomorphic reasoning by now.

Yet I also don't understand why Dems are demanding apologies for Rove's latest hot-quote: "Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 and the attacks and prepared for war. Liberals saw the savagery... and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding to our attackers."

And now, Republican back-up sheep are currently baa-ing behind Rove saying that he shouldn't issue an apology and that "he was outlining a philosophical divide between a president who sought to win the war on terrorism by taking the fight to the enemy and Democrats who questioned that approach."

HUH? Nothing like supporting stupid with more stupidity.

I'm sick of Elephants and Donkey's. Quit your bitching, stop attacking each other and actually DO be a leader instead of a kindergartener, perhaps?

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Am I the only one...

who thinks that it is sad that this man is being judged for defecting from the Korean war? I am sure there are many moral arguments here about honesty, duty and honor, but I don't blame this man.

MSN Article

Call me crazy, but I don't believe that people should have to endure the horrors of war and kill other people because their government told them to do so...

And, I'm growing increasingly afraid to be an American after reading this quote about the constitutional ban on flag burning that has already passed the House of Representatives and is headed for final vote in the Senate: ''Ask the men and women who stood on top of the (World) Trade Center,'' said Rep. Randy (Duke) Cunningham, R-Calif. ''Ask them and they will tell you: pass this amendment.''

Read the whole story on
Flag Burning here.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Skive off...

My virtual vacation didn't leave me properly relaxed and refreshed and ready to successfully complete my work week. I am currently contemplating credible reasons to skive off the rest of today:

1. Migraine.
2. Seizure.
3. Uncontrollable need for Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon.
4. My husband's kidney stone saga.
5. Zombie Tom ate my brain.
6. Broke a nail.
7. Broke all 10 nails.
8. Need to research new career as professional hit woman.
9. It's National Mortician's Day and I must prepare for tonight's double feature!
10. I'm checking into the Betty Ford clinic.

Monday, June 13, 2005

My Morning Funny

I laughed myself silly at one of my favorite sites this morning. Drink At Work brings you a list of business etiquette. My faves?

Never convene a department meeting by saying, “Where my bitches at?”

If you find yourself saying, “The Hooters really blew it with their second album” you have strayed too far from business conversation.

Do not use trendy words in office communication. Say “Great” instead of “Awesome,” “Yes” instead of “Yo” and “Feeling Good” instead of “Got the world swinging from my nuts.” (Damn it feels good to be a gangsta)

When maintaining eye contact with a fellow employee, avoid any gaze that may be best described as “penetrating,” “smoldering” or “bloodshot.” (hmmm, done all that)

Go visit the site and read the rest of the list!

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Virtual Vacation

On the way to work today, I realized I need a vacation. I contemplated calling in sick, driving to the airport and boarding the next beach-bound flight, but thought that would be a tad irresponsible. I could have spent the day on Mill Avenue for some people watching and shopping at Urban Outfitters (so I can be so original while I shop at a chain store), but instead I'm at work. It's Saturday and I have to be here to help run the Halo 2 tournament. I hate X-Box, why was I picked for this activity?

Since I can have a real getaway, at least I can take a "Virtual Vacation." Today's destination? The Greenbrier.

I just love this place. The grounds are lush and verdant with plenty of places to be cool. The different estates on the grounds are all unique. The interior impeccable. Every room showcases vibrant color schemes.

I feel so swanky when I'm gliding through the expansive hallways with 30-foot alabaster columns. The plush (although sometimes garishly bright) furniture and grand-piano music are just two reasons to never make it past the lobby. All the common areas of this resort are not-so-common. My favorite place of all is the red ballroom. I feel like I've been transported through time to the Victorian Era everytime I step onto the hardwood floor of this particular room.

After I checked in, I dropped my luggage on my bed and headed for some pampering. Since I've felt a little sick to my stomach for the last 24 hours, I know I really need to relax. The best place to do this is the Greenbrier Spa. I nourished my body and soul with a virtual Spa Package. I started with a black walnut scrub, moved to a relaxing Kur bath and then made my way to a hot stone massage and a mani/pedi combo pack. I paid with my Virtual Visa thank goodness...

After reviewing a brief slideshow of the resort in my room (check out this floor plan - I'm virtually livin' in style), I decided to head to the outdoor pool. I like the indoor pool, but am feeling the need for a little sunshine.

Now that I have my martini, I'm ready for a little sunshine. I think I'll arrange a falconry show for later, and then maybe take a carriage ride after dinner.

Tomorrow, I will play chef at cooking class and then go shopping at some of the fabulous Greenbrier shops. I have a tour scheduled right before tea and really think that another massage is in order. I'm going to check out the bunker out as well. There is so much history here!

It's time for me to sink into oblivion here on my VV. If you have any suggestions for future VV's, please let me know. I'm on my way to get Virtually Wasted.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Reap 'Em and Win!

After hours of searching the internet, painstakingly combing through one celebrity article after another, and days of deliberation...I have a team for the Celebrity Death Pool! I also have a twitch in my left eye and a near-rabid need to know all celebrity gossip as it occurs, but I'm sure such side-effects are considered normal.

Roll Call!
Gerald Ford
Elizabeth Taylor
Boris Yeltsin
Victoria Principal
Rosa Parks
Art Linkletter
William Rehnquist
Joe Torre
Charlton Heston
Jason Priestly
Roger Moore
Stephen King
Steven Hawking
Kim Jong-Il
Michael J. Fox
Helen Gurley Brown
Peter O'Toole
Michael Jackson

Death is a sad, albeit natural, occurrence. It is sadistic to root for the demise of an individual. To this I say, "Go Team!"

the death of one person is a tragedy. the death of a group is a statistic.

Monday, June 06, 2005

What I did at work today

1. Wasted Time.
2. Wasted Resources.
3. Contemplated piercing my nose, tongue, belly button and disappearing into underground leather scene.
4. Drank coffee.
5. Called and left syrupy-sweet (quasi-bitchy) message for my lawyer who doesn't return calls.
6. Called and left slightly-less-than-sugary message for Trend Homes customer service about their lack of customer service.
7. Drank more coffee.
8. Downloaded "Avalon" by Juliet. (you should do this too)
9. Checked personal email.
10. Picked candidates for participation in friend's version of "Celebrity Death Pool"

Please feel free to comment on people to include in Death Pool.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Today's Life Lesson: Sponsored by Pink Panties

Black skirt with pastel and passion pink polka dots. Average black slip on top with silver buckle. Pink leather flowertopped slides. Pink mother of pearl watch. New Hot Topic Pink Ruffled Bra and Panties with Black Satin Ribbons.

I’m pinky today.

Drive to work and listen to Howard make an ass out of neophyte whore on phone. Laugh hysterically. Arrive at work early - how did this happen, traffic god? Today will be a good day.

Gather things, careen through courtyard in search of coffee and Naked "Protein Zone" juice. Can feel pink panties slightly slip down to hips. Walk to office, stopping to greet co-workers and assistant. Hmmm. I just shrunk these deliberately after purchase two weeks ago.

Close office door. Hike up skirt and pull panties into place.

Knock on office door. "Your clients are here."

"Thanks." Throw open door, smile, sashay to front office (more to keep panties up than to shake attractive butt).

Greet clients. Show them interview rooms. Tour them through hallway toward Starbucks-like coffee cafe. Feel pink panties move to hips. Silently try to use witchcraft powers to inch them upwards. Hope panties don't fall around ankles.

Walk to cafeteria as panties continue to slide south.

Buy bottles of water for clients, show them lounge area, begin trek back to office. In main department doorway, panties rest at tops of thighs.

Skirt is knee-length. All hope is not lost.

If I show them back to interview rooms, panties will fall. If I duck down the hallway to office, I’ll be rude. Oh, life’s little quandaries.

Politely ask gentlemen to wait as I retrieve information for them. Duck into office, throw skirt up, briefly consider trashing panties like I've done so many times before, realize I've only done that while drunk in a bar - there is something inherently wrong with ditching panties at the office unless you are sleeping with the boss - hike panties into place, grab some tape to help reinforce, snatch paperwork from desk, emerge smiling.

Show clients to interview rooms.

Return to office. Wonder how long tape will hold. Consider stapler.

Today's lesson: Brand new pink panties should be worn to the bar, not to the office (unless you are sleeping with your boss).

About Me

Stupidly self-centered for over 3 decades!