Wednesday, May 19, 2004

Life is so strange

I don't know quite when it happened. I was driving through life at warp speed, as usual, and a lightening bolt hit my DeLorean (read: Grand AM GT) and catapulted me into my future.

The past, aka "Destination Unknown," never looked like this.

In Destination Unknown, life was unpredictable and chaotic, but made sense nonetheless. When Molly would call to go see David Carter on Thursday nights, I knew we'd be crawling into work the next morning belching the remnants of red-headed sluts (our drink du jour). I'd have to look at pictures to remember our jaunts of the evening prior.

In Destination Unknown, I saw issues of "Wired" and "Tattoo" strewn haphazardly around the floor of my double-story, single-living shag pad. Elvis was the only steady man in my life.

Back to the Future: As I groaned out of bed this morning, on this last week of school, my toes touched perfect pink, bent-cornered glossies of "The Knot," "Brides," and "So-You've-Lost-Your-Mind-And-Decided-To-Have-A-Wedding Quarterly." The "Congratulations on Your New House!" binder rested on top of the stack as if it were an oversized cake-topper.

My sleep-crusted eyes fell the necklace that matches the ring of my intended. In this strangely beautiful future land, I am enjoying the new scenery immensely.

Friday, May 07, 2004

I am. I was.

As part of my lesson today, I had my students write based on the prompt "I am. I was." They were asked to write from their own point of view or from the point of view of someone else. Most of my students chose to write about their own lives and views. These two girls seem to be polar opposites on the outside, but are so alike in so many ways.

from my self-confident, quiet, shy and smart girl who sits in the back of my room:
I am never going to give in to what I strongly oppose. I was not always that firm in my beliefs.
I am leading the way. I was lagging behind you.
I am one to look to. I was frequently overlooked.
I am full of dreams. I was an airhead.
I am oftentimes lazy. I was and still am.
I am not going to be easily influenced. I was often let down.
I am looking forward to the future. I was dreading its coming.
I am thought of as crazy, smart, kind, beautiful and open-minded. I was NEVER thought of that way before.
I am regularly thinking of my loved ones. I was regularly thinking of myself.
I am ready for what is to come. I was usually avoiding it.
I am not afraid to admit it. I was never so courageous.
I am not afraid to love. I was afraid to get involved.
I am. I was.

from my loud, outgoing, sweet, show-stopper girl who is also quite an intellectual:
I am me. This is who I'll always be. I have strived my whole life to set myself out from the crowd. I like to think of myself not as opinionated, just always right. I don't know how my peers view me, but I try to project myself as a very optimistic and outgoing person. I choose to unleash every difference about me to the world around me. If they don't like me, then I don't like them.

"If you do not wish to be forgotten, soon as you are rotten; either write something worth reading, or do something worth writing." This is a quote by Benjamin Franklin that spoke to me when I read it at age 9. I have tried to achieve my goal of originality ever since. When I pass away, I want people to remember me as the person they could laugh with. It makes me happy to think I am actually noticed - that somebody somewhere is letting me rent space in their mind just by thinking about me.

I want people to accept me for who I am. I am 63% gay (according to but it's true and I don't try to hide it. My sexuality has become a part of my personality. Being gay gives me another topic on which to speak my mind. I just don't see what the big deal is and why people ridicule. It means I have options ;).

I am me. I am the most self-conscious person you will ever meet.

I was here.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

My Chicken is my Be-otch

I'm very disturbed.

Go to this website

Is this thing for real?

If so, I really think I need therapy.

About Me

Stupidly self-centered for over 3 decades!