Dear Drunk Asshole in Row 7,

First let me say, that I am so very happy that you live for Oasis. Your girly screams, the fact that all you could do is pump your arm and point at the band and your less-than-coordinated booty shakin' all served to back up that point. I'm glad you told your friends at the top of your lungs that "this" - the concert - was the "meaning of your life" and "it" for you.

My only complaint was that you kept sticking your smelly beer hands right next to my head, and that you were so very drunk that you hit me several times over the course of the evening. Just as an FYI to you, when I raised my fist in response to "Don't Look Back in Anger," I was celebrating the song and taking the opportunity to pop you back to your row.

I can tell you honestly that if you had hit me one more time, you wouldn't have known what hit you. Next time you go to a concert, don't be such a drunk dick. I'd hate it if you had your teeth broken by someone less tolerant than me.

Hope your hangover hurts like a motherfucker and that you are hugging your toilet bowl this morning.

Love and Kisses,
Roxy