ignoring the slip of doubt in my throat i order the dirty martini to chase down two extra strength advil. my head throbs a staccato melody - a fireworks explosion after shotgun bursts in my tender brain.
i suck on an olive, tease the pimento out with my tongue.
the bartender asks me if i'm here on vacation. i shake my head. the smooth surface of the pimento glides a salty trail along the roof of my mouth. sharp liquid swells over my lips. i play with it before swallowing. my entire drink becomes an event - tip, swirl, coax, twirl, slide sweetly down. i'm having sex with icy vodka.
fox news is reporting the father of anna nicole's baby. i'm sickened by the media attention, the display, but i continue to stare at the tv. i'm not the person i used to be.
if i was another me, i'd talk to the bartender, the person deliberately sitting too close to me making loud comments and staring at me out of the corner of his eye. tonight, i ignore both.
the bartender refills my water. everything ok there, honey? i nod. how's your headache? fine, thank you.
i scribble words on a cocktail napkin.
animosity
thirsty
ostentatious
purpose
self
synthesis
the guy next to me laughs, tries to draw me into conversation.
it occurs to me that i never was an extrovert - my outgoing nature a grand performance with props and costumes. more often than not now i'm introverted - more true to myself, sometimes akward to others. i simply don't need approval, and don't desire small talk.
time is too important and i just want another fucking martini.
4 comments:
That alex feels pretty strongly about what he's saying. You should probably listen.
I love this post, by the way. I just don't have an adequate response. Thank goddess for alex...
Alex is obviuously hopped up on all those drugs and can't be taken seriously. And it is good to know that someone aside from a spammer reads my blog!
Yep, Alex and I get together on weekends and have pizza and pill parties while we read your blog.
I'm going to start a new blog entitled "Alex must die." The tagline will be "and he'll die soon if he takes all the pills he's pushing." I'll invite you all...
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