A is for Asshole

Last night, we were in a very cute little restaurant in Shirlington drinking margaritas and laughing at life. I was about halfway through my on-the-rocks big gulp when a couple with a small child (2, maybe 2 1/2) sat down next to us. I may sound critical, but these were some annoying yuppy parents. Perfectly coiffed and dressed, trendy bags and accessories, with a kid who looked like she stepped out of a catalog. And each time the girl made a noise - not a yell or a scream or even a sound of displeasure - the parents would try to distract her using too-loud voices and high pitched sing-songs. At one point, the mother whipped out her copy of "A is for Apple, B is for Banana" and began to read at the top of her lungs. The child looked disinterested and played with the food in front of her and the father gulped his margarita like he was dying in a desert.

To amuse ourselves, we came up with our own A, B, C, for any yuppy parent (or alcoholic).

A is for Amaretto Sour (or Apple Martini if you are a 20-something mom)
B is for Bacardi
C is for Carbomb
D is for Dirty Martini
E is for Extra Dirty Martini (mmm)
F is for Frangelico
G is for Goldschlager (or Glenfiddich for dads that knocked up their third wives)
H is for Hypnotic
I is for Island Punch
J is for Jaegermeister
K is for Ketel One (my fave)
L is for Limoncello (for the well traveled yuppy) or Long Island Ice Tea
M is for Margarita (make me another)
N is for Nipple Shots (for the nights when you leave the kids at home)
O is for Oatmeal Cookie shots
P is for Pina Colada (and getting caught in the rain)
Q is for Quaalude (the shot, not the pill...)
R is for Rum
S is for Sex on the Beach
T is for To Go, Please
U is for U come here often? (for divorced yuppy parents)
V is for Virgin
W is for Why is Mommy passed out on the couch?
X is for Xerox your ass on the copier - you know you've done it before...
Y is for You drunk ass
and Z is for zzzzzzzzz