We've already surrended to evil. His name is Bush

Number of "Oh shit, I lost my place on the teleprompter" looks: 32

Number of times that Bush looked pleased with himself for nailing such large words as "infiltration" and "al-Zarqawi": 10

Number of times Bush made Stratego-like references to "winning": 26

Number of times he butchered the shit out of simple words (such as terrorist, essential, talking, war, feed, etc.): Too many to mention

References to "evil": What segment didn't include a reference to evil?

Number of times Bush proposed taking away your civil liberties in order to promote "freedom": Subliminally? At least once every two minutes.

Number of times Bush referenced something truthful about education in America: 0

Number of rudimentary, go-us-we're-great-rah-rah-rah-we're-the-world-leader speeches that were on every major station this evening: Just 1

The great people of the United States who have an IQ of less than 75 are assuaged.

Stolen

So, real life has been so entirely consuming as of late that I haven't even been able to take a break to pee by myself (been on the phone the last three times I've gone - lucky callers!) and I certainly don't have time to be updating my blog right now (as I should be in a meeting that I'm going to say I "forgot" about) so I'm going to share information that I BLATANTLY stole from Danielle at Knotty Yarn who found it here:

Go read about the 50 Most Loathsome People at The Beast.

Best Lines

As a part of my Book-A-Week campaign, I thought I could review the novels I read as an added bonus to readers. Then I thought, fuck it. If you want a book review, go to Amazon, the author's webpage, or Google it.

I will tell you however, that I did love the simple, woman-power theme of Alice Hoffman's "The Foretelling," and the Gabriel Garcia Marquez doesn't disappoint with "Memories of My Melancholy Whores."

The themes of power and wielding of power in Foretelling were simple, beautiful and summed up in this line: "The weak are cruel; the strong have no need to be."

In Memories, love consumes the narrator: "I became another man. I tried to reread the classics that had guided me in adolescence, and I could not bear them. I buried myself in the romantic writings I had repudiated when my mother tried to impose them on me with a heavy hand, and in them I became aware that the invincible power that has moved the world is unrequited, not happy, love."

Much to ponder...

Right wing, satanic vampire offers "New Deal" for Minnesota

Don't worry, he's planning on hiring Sicilian families to take care of the drug lords.

See the video here.

I do support his stand on GW however.

Meme a little meme...

The incomparable Ryan at The Emerson Street Tavern tagged me...

5 JOBS YOU’VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE: Object to sexually harrass (plumbing project manager), Corrector of Slangspeak (high school teacher), Professional Bullshitter (communications coordinator), Cultivator of Donations from rich people (development specialist for a performing arts center), Party Girl (corporate event planner).

5 MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER: (I agree with Ryan - hard to limit.) Pulp Fiction, Citizen Kane, Practical Magic, Donnie Darko, Lost In Translation.

5 PLACES YOU’VE LIVED: Tacoma, Washington; Phoenix, Arizona; Rockville, Maryland; Richmond, Virginia; and the high conglomeration of "Northern Virginia," which is really just an extension of Washington, DC.

5 TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH: The Sopranos, CSI (Las Vegas & Miami), Las Vegas, The Simpsons, and South Park.

5 PLACES YOU’VE BEEN ON VACATION: Scotland; Germany; Paris, France; Rome (including Vatican City), Italy; Vancouver, BC;

5 WEB SITES YOU VISIT DAILY: Washington Post, Amazon (just to see what's new), Overheard in NY, Zoetrope Studios, and about 10 random blogs that I've found by browsing.

5 OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS: Crab, my dad's Eggplant Parm, Jambalaya, anything Mexican and spicy, Eggs Benedict.

5 PLACES YOU’D RATHER BE: Manhattan, Richmond, anywhere in California, Paris, Tokyo.

5 ALBUMS YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT: (All 350+ in my collection plus Ryan's Waterboys' Fisherman's Blues - what an awesome album) Tori Amos - Little Earthquakes, The Cure - Disintegration, Dirty Vegas - Dirty Vegas, Coldplay - Rush of Blood to the Head, Moby - Play.

5 PEOPLE YOU’D TAG TO PLAY THIS GAME: Greg, Kevin, Remi, the guys at RGB, Squint, and You. Yes You. The one who is currently reading this...

A year of reading

Last year, I noticed that I've stopped being a serial reader. I used to devour books, one after the other, sometimes two or three at once. With the stresses of the past two years, I haven't read much unless it was for a class or recommended to me.

I'm setting a goal - a book a week for the remainder of the year.

I'm currently reading The Foretelling by Alice Hoffman and Build Your Castles in the Air by Chuck Hansen (see sidebar for links). Next book up is a re-read of 1984 by George Orwell.

Here are some on my list for the new year:
Memoirs of My Melancholy Whores by the magical Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Crying of Lot 49 by Thomas Pynchon
Rabbit Boss by Thomas Sanchez
Dreams of Trespass: Tales of a Harem Girlhood by Fatima Mernissi
Dust Tracks on the Road by the evocative Nora Zeale Hurston
The Year of Magical Thinking by the brilliant Joan Didion
I Love Everybody (And Other Atrocious Lies) by the funniest woman ever, Laurie Notaro
Green Angel by my favorite author Alice Hoffman
Down These Mean Streets by Piri Thomas
Holding the Line: Women in the Great Arizona Mine Strike of 1983 by the poignant Barbara Kingsolver
Dreaming in Cuban by Cristina Garcia
Unveiling Kate Chopin by Emily Toth
Women Hollering Creek and Other Stories by the phenomenal Sandra Cisneros
Atonement by Ian McEwan
Bel Canto by Ann Patchett
The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman by Ernest Gaines
Main Street by Sinclair Lewis
Sula by the talented Toni Morrison
The Bell Jar (again) by Sylvia Plath
Thirteen Stories by Eudora Welty
The Death of Artemio Cruz by Carlos Fuentes

Contemplating Like Water for Chocolate and Madame Bovary...

Any suggestions? I'm open to everything...

Popping the Pontiac Cherry

This past Saturday night (actually, really damn early Sunday morning), I did something I haven't done in 9 years.

I felt like a virgin again, not quite sure what to do, looking around nervously for guidance. I knew I just had to go for it. I wrapped my hands around the almighty stick and stroked down on the powerful, vibrating shaft. I took a deep breath, opened my eyes really wide, and slammed the gearshift into reverse. After one quick jolt, the ride was smooth. It was almost as if no time had passed since the last time I drove a manual transmission. I was a true professional behind the wheel of Remi's beautiful steel gray (Pontiac) Vibe.

I didn't even make those awkward grinding noises or stall the car (like the last time I drove stick shift in my friend Heather's car in Tacoma and stalled it on a hill. Oops, sorry Heather. Perhaps I'll tell you about it when we go to Germany this summer since you no longer have that car and can forgive me now).

I have conquered the only stick that still made me nervous. I am the shaftmaster.

*$#%!

As a product of my upbringing, sometimes I get loud during conversations. Sometimes I make hand gestures. Sometimes I yell.

Somewhere along the way (not from my parents), I also learned to string pretty swear words together to create new phrases and designer declarations. This has led to spectacular swearing scenes, sometimes in public.

I'm not quite sure when the swearing started. I remember swearing in high school. A well-placed "shit" really drove home my teenage angst-filled points. College was more of the same. It was probably around the time I started working with plumbers that the shit hit the fan and no longer conveyed the same intensity as the word "fuck." It became part of my staple vocab - pass the fucking peas, please. I also picked up "jesus christ" from somewhere, and it certainly wasn't from going to church.

Last night after eighteen variations of "fuck" (some wrapped within the words "jesus christ") within a seven minute timespan, I decided to cut back, at least slightly, on the F-bomb and references to jc.

I've only said "fuck" three times today. JC has only come up twice.

I have noticed that I've shifted to using "shit" as an alternative. Maybe by the end of the week I'll downshift to "damn."

Motherfucking Thieves

Dear Motherfuckers who robbed my in-laws about 5 hours ago,

Fuck.You.Mother.Fuckers.

May you get caught, thrown in jail and made someone's bitch.

Trust me, after seeing my father-in-law tonight, you'd prefer jail to what he'll do to you if he finds you.

Fuck you very much,
Roxy

31 things for 31 years

* Road-dated using whiteboard and horn
* Muppet song in the middle of the night while driving (using Kermit & Fozzy finger puppets)
* Drank expensive wine in DC and charged it to company account
* Watched clouds while laying out on the driveway
* Mimed to Air Supply song (oh yes, we wore leotards and white makeup)
* Toured grounds of National Cathedral at midnight (and chatted up security guards)
* Pulled a "Memphis" (Those guys never knew what hit 'em)
* World's Largest Ball of Twine
* Sent flashlight "messages" back and forth between our bedroom windows next door to eachother
* Swim team and soccer matches
* Hide and seek to dry off after spending the summer days in the pool
* Street corner talks
* Four Words: Danny.Price's.Alien.Bong.
* How the hell did we get home from that Candlebox/Eddie Money concert after mandatory Wild Turkey shots?
* New Year's Eve, Mill Avenue, clove cigarettes
* Cutting up confetti, sneaking booze and twirling in circles on New Year's Eve in my backyard when we were kids (while listening to the top 100 music countdown)
* The Boy Book and MASH (mansion, apartment, shack, house)
* Many, many hangovers
* Letters from college
* Sharing the saddest and most difficult times we've had
* Swapping yearbooks, posing for pictures
* Riding in the back of your dad's pickup truck on the way home from the Wall Ball Palace
* Playing dress up with fake jewels and fox furs
* Dressing up my brother with fake jewels and fox furs
* Turn Around Bright Eyes and karaoke before it was really Karaoke
* Cleaning our rooms and riding our bikes
* Walking to Circle K to buy candy drops on sheets of paper
* Hanging out to watch "skater boys" - or any boys for that matter
* Mud pies, forts and lighting "books" on fire (pyro)
* Sleepovers, light-as-a-feather, Ouija boards
* 27 years of friendship this year and oh the adventures to come!

happy birthday Remi!