You post the second part of The Dating Remi! Yeaaaaa!
When we left off, Remi was having a chaperoned dessert...
Try being pleasant with a boy who is 8 years your junior while you're eating dinner with his mom and step dad, having only known the boy for less than 48 hours!
I am attempting to be an adult...but not too adult because I don’t want to seem too mature for the mom’s lil baby. By this time I actually think the boy is ok.
I am intrigued by the step father. He has a few…uh…problems?
1. He can’t hear so he practically yells at you when speaking
2. He is never wrong and knows everything and
3. If you don’t finish what’s on your plate he will.
Yes that’s right.
Derek didn’t finish his salad so his step dad did. Derek didn’t eat the tomatoes from his sandwich so his step dad did. Derek’s mom didn’t finish her garlic bread - yep his step dad did.
Quite the smorgasbord of food so far right? Now I'm thinking, what better way to top it all off than with dessert? I order a slice of apple pie a-la-mode I only finish about ½ of it. What do you think happened to the rest of my pie?
He didn’t even ask if I was done. He just assumed. By this time I’m about to pee myself as I try not to laugh too loudly.
Yet I still go to the boy’s place to watch yet another movie - actually it was Dane Cook’s comedy central special. I pull a 10 step maneuver to get into cuddle position as he is hinting. I moved in small “scooches” to see how long it would take - it became a game in my own head. Anyway the end of the evening comes...he walks me to my car. Anticipation....
First the overly long hug...and then the kiss.
The kiss.
He puckered, leaned in, our lips touched. His lips never un-puckered! His head never moved! I was locked in position by his hand behind my head. I swear I must have counted to 10 before the seal was broken.
He text messages me the next day asking me if I enjoyed the kiss. Oh my frickin' stars in heaven -- what do you say to that? It has now been 2 days since and I still have yet to answer his kiss question directly. I am already in deep and its been less than a week. Oh god...oh god...oh god...
Editor's note: What Remi fails to tell you in this part deux, is that she has been to the parents house. It is - in her words - a shrine to Mickey Mouse. You've never seen so many Mickey tchochkes. However, there is no Mickey Mouse inspired food items at the parents house...I'll give you two guesses as to who ate them.
3 comments:
Ths extremely hllarious. I wish I could have seen the look on her face.
curtesy of my friend Sarah----
"Part deux and one-half...
In a sick twist of fate, seeking revenge on those who have eaten his likeness and shamelessy promoted his image, Mickey Mouse arrives at the home and eats all of the food including the tasty half-eaten meals (we don't know where they came from folks - he has a lot of neighbors) and removes the priceless (in some circles?) paraphanelia.
To add insult to injury (and starvation), Mr. Mouse locates the gluttonous step-father's wife and akwardly, yet passionately, positions her head (our Romeo taught him that) and plants a big wet one with his perfectly puckered lips.
Just then, Minnie calls. Slick Mick makes his grand exit in true Disney style (balloons for the kids and a high-step march for the masses) and grins as he pictures the step-fathers teeth-grinding grimace as the cell phone ring-tune of Zippity-Do-Da permeates the airwaives.
And yes folks, he enjoyed the kiss. If you didn't realize it before, my-oh-my, it was a wonderful day..."
Oh and by the way....I have named the kiss....
"The Masher"
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