I learned it by teaching them, alright?

Remember the commercial in the 80's where the father busts into the son's room accusing him of doing drugs? The father is yelling and screaming at his child and asks that oh-so-important question, "Who taught you to do this?! Who taught you to use drugs?!" That boy, hate in his eyes, spits back "You, alright? I learned it by watching you!"

I suppose this proves that the best way to teach is to model behaviour and learn about what is in your environment. If teachers were to learn from their students the same way, I'd have to say I've been privy to an interesting and varied ghetto-cation.

I now know the following:

* It is worse to be a liar than it is to be a murderer.

* You don't get arrested if you walk into a high school carrying two blunts.

* Everyone should have a switchblade that is at least 5" long.

* Coming to class "blazed" isn't an offense at all.

* Teachers are "money-hungry."

* Pink is just the sweetest new color to be adopted by gangs.

* Apathy is the religion of fools.

* Sex causes pregnancy.

* Restraining orders don't keep you from getting knocked up by your ex.

* English isn't a required language to live in the United States.

* You can qualify for foodstamps and still have a phone to text message your friends, a low-rider with a phat sound system and spinning rims, and enough money to sport a 24-karat gold chain with a mini-assault rifle pendant.

* You shouldn't call a student's Probation Officer if she is violating her parole and is in possession of drugs. That's "cold" and makes you a "bitch."

* I won't be a teacher in five years unless I make a hell of a lot more money and put up with a hell of a lot less crap.

Here is my commercial:
Go home. Hug your children. Be glad they don't come to my school.

This has been a public service announcement sponsored by the Bitter Teachers of America.