And now back to our regularly scheduled reality...

Does anyone ever go on vacation and want to come back and go to work? If so, good for you. I don't feel that way.

I'm sunburned, exhausted, content, contemplative, and really missing some friends and family after my vacation this past week. And I'm dreading the return to reality. I've already gone through all my email and erased all the webinar invitations, emails from organizations to which I belong, mass emails, traffic alerts, job announcements, and things I don't need to handle so that I can now delegate my weekend to the approx. 250 messages that need my attention.

Is it really worth it to even go on vacation? Is this all there is?

Reality bites - and I didn't even get to make out with Ethan Hawke.

eve of the storm

i'm open -
palms up,
extended to the point of heartbreak
and ecstasy.

you are nowhere
to be found.

Wish I could be at this judgment

“Judge not, less ye be judged and found unworthy.”

A poem on aging

A new age
Is now upon --
I say goodbye
I'm moving on.

My twenties great
My teens some fun
Not much to say
'bout thirty-one.

A new day dawns
Through clear blue,
What the fuck,
I'm thirty-two.

At sweet sixteen
yes, half of now,
I glimpsed my core,
my path, my tao.

Now I'm lost
Can't see through trees
The road not taken
Beckons me.

I thought by now
It would be clear,
What the hell
I’m doing here.

Every night,
I toss and turn.
I’m not settled--
Still I burn.

I question what
I thought I knew.
Where's your wisdom,
Thirty-two?

I feel as if
I've regressed.
To simpledom
I've acquiesed.

The clock keeps ticking
Chimes time away.
Still frozen on
This spot I stay.

At thirty-two
Who wants to be
An empty drone
For all to see?

Barely living,
All washed up --
The same stale drink,
The same chipped cup.

I used to think
So differently
No commonplace
life for me.

What have I done
To make this so?
I talk to much,
No act, no show.

Still I laugh
And dream to be
The me I always
Thought I'd be.

Perhaps I'll find her by thirty-three.

Mom

It is a perfect day in Virginia today. I think it dawned especially to celebrate mothers.

Yesterday was full of oppressive, humid heat. It was sticky. I could chew the air.

Late last night a violent thunder and lightening storm rolled through, the air pushed those humid clouds to the ground in the form of rain. The earth was drenched; the storm passed.

And on this glorious day, the calm and beauty after the storm emerges. Just to celebrate moms - I'm convinced.

My mom is an amazing woman and most days I try to show her how much I appreciate her though am not always successful. She did the typical mom things as I grew - she healed my cuts (and talked me through the broken hearts). She ruled our house with a gentle command, but she too could be the violent storm when we needed it. Now that I'm an adult, I see so much more - her dedication and commitment to her family, her grace and style, her intelligence.

I am blessed that my mom and I have attained that level that many moms and daughters don't reach. She is my mom - I look to her for guidance still. But more importantly, she is my friend and confidant and the first person I want to call when things go awry.

My grandmothers - Mom's Once Removed - were also there to help raise me. Nam is always soft spoken to me and always was, unless I was driving my mother crazy (and then she dropped her voice and said in dead calm tones that what I was doing was wrong and I needed to rearrange my priorities immediately). Mamma brought me the love of all things Italian - her heritage. Gram was my confidant and partner in crime though we were separated by two generations.

Growing up, I had many mother figures in my life.

Remi's mom, Sally, was always a second mom to me. I was a part of their household as Remi was part of ours from the age of four until college. And then she stepped in and reaffirmed her second mom status again before my wedding, helping me get through a very difficult time. I think of her today too - and miss her - because I'm selfish and want my best friend to have her mom today too.

Through high school, I had Rosemary as another mom to me. And then when I started college and my first job - Eileen and Mickey were my moms at work. When I left home for the first time and went to Tacoma, Kris took me under her wing as her own daughter was at school in Chicago. When I had to be rushed to the emergency room in college for passing out, Kris stayed with me and updated my mom who was 1000 miles away.

And now my friends are moms and I watch them grow stronger because of (and in spite of) their children. They are amazing to behold.

And I hope to have qualities from each of them when I become a mom someday too.

North Carolina is the armpit of America

Well, aside from New Jersey that is.

I really don't mean to diss you North Carolina, but damn honey - you do not look good. Let's talk candidly about your haphazard urban planning, streets with holes the size of craters, bumpkin housing, overgrown and nasty weeds of varied and unusual size, and run down art deco shopping malls with less than three vendors. Did you know every lake and river I crossed looked like a bastardized version of Willy Wonka's chocolate river? I know you aren't churning Hershey's so what the hell is up?

Everything about you is falling apart. I just want to know how you could be so unsightly - your two jeweled sisters, South Carolina and Virginia, shine on either side of you! How is it that you are just one long consistent strip of ugly?

The time has come, North Carolina. Take a week off, get a pedi and a wax! Gussy yourself up pretty - you have the right idea with the NC Wildflower project, take it to the next level.

I expect to see you shining on my next trip down this fall.

Love,
Roxy

Saturday

Dawn rose in hazy pink hues this morning, breaking sunlight just east of the white domed Capital building. The golden rays turned the silver spikes of the Missing Man Memorial into a golden crown.

Thin clouds veiled the horizon, a humid cool skyline punctuated with spires and obelisks.

Days like today make me love the nation's capital.

My Daemon

Working on a few big posts right now - about hope in our time, musical interludes and other such stuff. In the meantime, I leave you with my Daemon.

I have a meeting with the Bobs in a few minutes...

Well, not really.

But I am having an "Office Space" kind of week.