Swamp Ass Cooler

Have you ever been in Phoenix, dead August, no AC, your only hope a metal box on the side of your house? If so, you know that the only so-called substitute for AC is a pathetic "swamp" cooler that doesn't do much to cool your festering house and rid you of that not-so-fresh-feeling.

But alas! There is hope! Someday, my friend Ericka and I will own and operate a chic-chic, uber-cool coffee grotto near Arizona State University. Our mission, aside from caffeinating college co-ed's, will include keeping a cozy, comfy,clothes-minimal establishment called Java-n-Jammies. You show up in somewhat tasteful jammies, and we'll provide a venue for you to hang out (figuratively, at least).

We bet our business will have year-round appeal. In the winter, visit in your flannels and hoist a cup of steamy Joe. In the summer, buy an iced-coffee and avoid the sweaty, smelly clubs that crowd the Mill Avenue strip.

This brings me back to my original point. Summertime in Arizona is damn, frigging hot. Not just warm. Not toasty. Ridiculously over the top crockpot hot. Even with the AC blowing, you will accumulate beads of perspiration which eventually will travel downward and settle in your buttocks region. People know this syndrome as "swamp-ass."

Ericka and I have decided (with a little help from Bettina) that we need to tackle this sticky situation. Therefore, in all bathrooms at Java-n-Jammies, you will not find a typical hot air hand dryer. Oh no. We at JnJ want to go above the call of duty to dry out your drawers. Every bathroom will have an AC-like blower known as a "Swamp Ass Cooler." Aim the nozzle at your nether-regions and blow.

We figure if it blows your skirt up, it's gotta be good.