Bring back the classic freak, please

I am positively afraid. Occasionally, since I have nothing else to do with my boring life, I search for bizarre and twisted things in the news. Weird people doing unthinkable things are always amusing and usually make for great commentary. I am beginning to notice, however, that "the news of the weird" is the same as "the news of the normal". The people in charge are the ones that do the scariest things.

In December, MSNBC reported about police officers in France who placed plastic explosives in the side pocket of a random, unmarked passenger bag at Charles De Gaulle for a police dog training exercise. The problem? They lost the bag before they completed the exercise.

According to the report, the bag left the airport sometime in the two-hour window in which they were playing around. It left? Did it have legs? The police have assured everyone that it was ok that they let the bad bag escape as there was no detonator for the explosives. Oh, all right then. No biggie. What did that unsuspecting passenger think when he got home that night?

And, even scarier, how about the fact that school officials in Phoenix are using a fingerprinting tracking device to log when children get on and off their school busses? The fingerprint button tracks when a child boards and departs a bus and wirelessly sends that information to a local police department. Supposedly, this system helps reduce the rate of kidnappings.

My questions is this: How in the hell is this going to help? Children generally don't get snatched when they are on the school bus. Ok, sure, we'll be able to tell if a child made it to her school bus and where she got off the bus, but will that really help when trying to catch a kidnapper? You don't have to be a genius to know that the cost benefit analysis says to dump this program in a heartbeat. It is not doing what it is intended to do...unless the intention is really to get children so used to being tracked that they don't feel threatened when even more of our privacy rights are compromised.

This type of weird news is too scary for me. I'd love to read a story about small cults of leather clad freaks who want to fight for their right to hang themselves by using metal clips in their skin. Those people look like normal compared to the truly terrifying Big Brother.

I'm Done

Stick a resume on me.

I'm through with feeling ill from the pot smell emanating from my classroom. I'm finished with the "but Ms. M" excuses. I don't want to watch another student sweat and convulse because she is having a bad reaction to G (code name for Glass, which is Crystal Meth). I don't want to be called racist for asking a student to refrain from calling everyone "nigga" in my classroom. I probably wouldn't mind as much if it wasn't preceded by "mother-fuckin."

I'm finishing my Masters in April. I think I'll apply for teaching jobs at local school districts. I have already started to apply for jobs back in the corporate world.

Some possibilities I'm entertaining: financial planner, ballroom dancer, wedding planner, professional sky-diver, PhD student, college instructor, or underpaid writer. Perhaps I should join the circus? Any suggestions on what my next career should be? Send your ideas to me - michmerc@aol.com or comment on my post. All possibilities will be entertained...

T minus 26

In May, it will be 26 years since this girl and her family moved in next door to my family on 44th Avenue. I remember the day they moved in. My mom told me that the new neighbors had a little girl who looked to be my age.

My mom was mostly correct. Ericka (aka Ree and road-trip name of Remi) is 4 1/2 months older than I.

This means that today, my dear road-tripping, hell-raising, beer-guzzling, karaoke-"These-Boots-Are-Made-For-Walking" singing, constantly-laughing, fellow muppet-loving best friend is 30. And I am not there yet. I'd feel like I could give her a hard time about it but I'm not far behind.

Happy Birthday Remi! The best is yet to come.

Roxy

I Resolve

Are resolutions ever resolute?

Last year, I resolved to date single people regularly, to live a healthier lifestyle and to travel more often.

That whole marriage thing killed my dating life. I joined a bad gym for a few months and then lost my drive. The only one that really worked out was the travel thing. I have some killer stories from those giggly, girly weekends...

I feel like I should make responsible resolutions this year. It may be because I'm turning 30 in May, but I think it is really because I secretly fear that Mother Nature is going to slap me up-side the head and properly domesticate me. Should I resolve to be a good housewife? Yeah, right. I'd resolve to stop shaving my legs and resolve to yell at my husband to pick up his underwear, but I already do those things so it wouldn't be much of a stretch.

Perhaps I should build my resolutions off of my experiences from last year. 2004 was a whirlwind and it tested and tried my patience with the world. I lost a lot of individuality but gained a new perspective on the true meaning of love. I saw old friends, gained new ones and lost someone very important to me.

So, for 2005 I resolve to me more appreciative of the people in my life. I will be nice to my husband. I will make time for my girlfriends. I'll write to my family. I won't kill my in-laws. I won't neglect my promises to myself. I'll graduate with my Masters. I will write more. And most importantly, I will not lose myself even though I am now half of a two.