Stop Signs and Indigo Girls

To the man approaching the intersection at Peoria and Litchfield - sorry. Life is too short to stop for all the signs.

And how come the Indigo Girls are so damn clever? I was absolutely entranced. That's probably why I missed the stop sign.

Wasted Space...

Halfway home last night, I turned off my radio. The same songs, the same rants on NPR, the same annoying marketing ploys to get me to buy and consume. My soul felt dry from the burnt, ashy programming.

When all was quiet, I focused on my drive through this world coming down. Mountains seemed to ascend from a pungent brown line of smog. I followed too many commuting cars into the rapidly diminishing wide-open space where I live. Another housing development across from farm and industrial land. Construction signs waving progress.

My flight synapses fire in my brain - electrical storms hitting dust. I want to move out of progress. Far, far away.

But, we continue to evolve and the desert continues to die.

I know I should write more

But I've been so damn busy reading all the other crap on other people's blogs.

I'm currently addicted to this one: http://stuckinrehabwithpatobrien.blogspot.com

I have plenty to post on my own, and yet I'm going back to see what the next adventure with Pat holds...

track listing for mixed bag

i must say - i had a lot of fun creating this mixed cd. i basically took the cd's that were riding in my car with me and compiled the tracks that i listen to most often. i keep many of these songs close because they are representative of friends and roadtrips (where noted). it was hard to narrow my choices and if i did this project next week i'd probably pick different songs... but this is what the final product looks like.

1. don’t leave me this way.harold melvin & the blue notes
2. united states of whatever. liam lynch (for bettina and kiddies)
3. girl named michelle. no idea who sings this (my real name)
4. sheep go to heaven. cake (my brother gave me this song)
5. polyester bride. liz phair (for my roadtrips to the beach with shalen)
6. patient boy. misfits (amanda and amy - in-town road-trippin')
7. whistle song. pj olssen
8. sweet beauty break
9. six underground. sneaker pimps
10. spiders. mercury rev
11. on any given day. carbon leaf (love this band from Richmond area - saw them live with Amy)
12. brimful of asha. n cook remix (for amy and dancing at Black Cat)
13. camel walk. southern culture on the skids (for amu and sally - college song)
14. el tango de roxanne. moulin rouge (given my nickname - love this song)
15. falling for the first time. barenaked ladies (for remi puking at their concert)
16. suedehead. morrissey (how could you not love morrissey?)
17. pink moon. nick drake (listened to this the night i knew i wanted to marry my husband)
18. southern cross. david carter (live) (First picture, left hand side. I'm the one in the middle - my friend Molly is grabbing the boob. We frequented David Carter concerts in Richmond...)

as for the cd's i'm receiving - i am giddy like a school girl each time i receive another package. i will link to some of the sites that discuss the "Mixed Bag" project in another post.

and, i could do more cd's too!

On the runway

10 hours.

Richmond "International" Airport is the smallest airport that I frequent. It is fairly empty on most days and has a whopping 12 gates. O'Hare it isn't. Under no circumstances should I have to run to catch a flight. Unless of course, the pilot decides to close the doors and leave 10 minutes before the scheduled take off time.

As I'm standing in line yesterday, I hear my name announced over the loud speaker followed closely by the phrase "you have 2 minutes to report to the gate." There is a man in front of me who can't seem to accept that he has to remove his keys from his pocket before he goes through the metal detector. I'm antsy.

I proceed through the terrorist checkpoint, grab my shoes and run (hair flying, fat flapping, shoes dangling from forefingers) to the gate. They seal the door after me. We are moving before I get to my seat. We are on the runway and then we sit. And sit. And sit. For an hour.

I arrive at Dulles (for those of you who know the east coast, you are thinking - why in the hell did she fly to Dulles? Is it even possible to fly from Richmond to Dulles? I answer - yes, yes it is) and my plane to Phoenix is late. We sit in the airport for 3 hours. We load, depart from the gate, get in line and then sit. And sit. And sit. For nearly an hour before going back to the gate to get more feul since air traffic control changed our route. Another hour later we taxi and fly.

No, United doesn't provide food on their flights unless you pay extra for it.

Why is it that we pay and pay and pay for consistently shitty service? We expend more time, energy, and money for less return. When did society stop working on an ROI basis? Why is it acceptable to not care?

These are the things I pondered while on the runway yesterday.

Un-motivation

I have plenty of posts to post - more stuff on the great CD's from the Mixed Bag project and stories about the Ape Man encountered at a local Circle K. Given Kevin's horrible health and surgeries, I've not had the mindset to post lately.

Never fear! I have added some great new links! Medium Large is perhaps the funniest comic ever. And it is hosted on a great site: Drink at Work. Krys at Angry Liberal Mommy has some great commentary. She and her husband Greg also write the Daughter Chronicles.

The List of Annoyance is a quickie, instant thrill blog. Christopher Monks' Utter Wonder is outstanding (he's the guy who also did Stuck In Rehab With Pat O'Brien which should also be read). His recent article on Dead Gay Republican Operatives also is worth reading.

So - enjoy.

Days Like Today...

On days like today, I wonder what will happen to them.

I wonder if they'll ever realize - they command destiny. Will they grow to be people who make excuses? Is it too late to lose their memorized mantras? (i can't do this because... it isn't my fault... blame my mom...i don't have to think - i'll just shoot my mouth off - or i'll shoot my gun...)

I wonder who will tell them they're loved.

I wonder if they will learn. Will they soak up knowledge or will they drop out - of school, of life? Will they reach their young arms to the sky to gather a new spark, a new idea? Will they imprison themselves in ignorance? When they are gray and aged, will their eyes reflect passion or death?

On days like today, I want to open the doors to their future - say, "wake the hell up and know yourself" and tell them that it is okay to fail, as long as they know they can succeed. Look in the mirror - who are you in 5 years? By the time you are 30?

They laugh - they'll never age. They think teachers are old, were never young. We never did stupid things like steal the car and pick up our friends for joyrides even though we didn't have a license. We never drank alcohol from shampoo bottles smuggled from some mom's liquor cabinet. We didn't ditch school, dye our hair, or tell the world to fuck off at the top of our lungs. We never did anything. We were born old. Yeah, right.

We laugh - enjoy your youth. Embrace it. Remember it. But plan for tomorrow. If you don't learn and grow and take responsibility for yourself, your gut will burn with rage and any hope you have will die in the dust.

On days like today, your teacher wants to remind you to make a better tomorrow. Believe in your future, no matter what is held in your past.

Go Lou!

I'm sitting in my classroom watching Lou Dobbs and the update on the Minuteman Project. Are the people who volunteered to guard our borders from illegal activity vigilante?

According to GW (my hero!) they are vigilante. Perhaps, however, they are only viewed that way because they are trying to solve a problem that our government is ignoring. Let me tell you, Bush, in the absence of true leadership, chaos ensues and new "leadership" emerges. Don't you preach that same message with regard to Iraq?

True leaders actually lead. They provide the vision and then put the right people in place to implement strategies. They communicate clearly - they don't throw around carefully crafted words to terrorize and invoke fear. Leaders solve problems, they don't ignore them. Unfortunately, our political system is surprisingly void of true leaders. And because no one has come up with a successful strategy to deal with the problem of illegal immigration, the Minutemen were born. I don't think that their strategy is the best, but they are at least addressing and attempting to deal with this toxic social issue.

Perhaps because I said this I will be labeled racist. I'm not anti-Mexican, anti-Hispanic, anti-Canadian, anti-French or anti-Martian for that matter. I don't care what skin color sits next to me on a subway or moves in next door to my suburban stucco homestead. And yet, I wish that something would be done about illegal immigration. It is a problem for every party involved.

Many of my undocumented seniors (who are amazing, wonderful, driven students) are finding out that they can't go to college in the United States. I have one girl who has been here since she was 2 months old. She is perfectly capable of handling a college career but will have a hard time pursuing one because her parents came here illegally, looking for a better life. I have another undocumented student who openly says that he hates the US and the only reason he stays here is to make money. He doesn't want to go through the immigration process, but wants US citizens to pay for his schooling, medical bills and career training.

The point is that it doesn't matter that both of these students are technically from Mexico. It doesn't matter that their skin color is darker than mine. It really doesn't even matter that they are here because their parents came here illegally. What does matter is that this problem won't go away by ignoring it (like our government does) or turning it into an agenda of hatred. We consistently let down American and Mexican citizens by choosing one of these two options.

In actuality, we need to deal with our issues instead of glossing over them and letting them morph into new situations for chaos. But that would mean everyone would have to take responsibility for the problem and work for a solution. How many times in politics (or in real life) does that really happen? It infuriates me that our government can't weigh in on any domestic issue (except for private, family issues) and then criticizes the masses when they attempt to address the problem that the government ignored.

Millennium

I sit here, at my teacher desk, scanning my bedecked classroom. Today, one of my Drama students took notice of my classroom during a discussion about the impact of color vs. monochromatic schemes.

"Ms. M," he said, with a slight cool drawl and a cock of his head, "your room has flair. I like all the color. Color shows that people are alive, not just breathing." I nodded my head as other students agreed and continued to challenge each other's opinions about how to create visual impact in dramatic scenes.

Later, I thought about what was said. It was my intent from day one to exude the eclectic, to be comfortable in my environment and to help my students become less conventional so that they could expand and grow into unbigoted, enlightened entities.

I want my students to learn. I want them to feel safe. I want to be mama bear and protect them. It's only intermittently I want to give up... or shake sense into them.

I came here to make a difference--- to tell them that there are people in this world who want to open their eyes and souls so that they can see the fresh new day and be prepared for hard cases and conundrums. They have so much fire, my students. Their eyes burn, sometimes with hatred for me - though not really for me - but for the institution of life. They need the wisdom to harness their fervor and possess it so they don't explode. They need to find their inner mercy to manage the calamaties to come.

They are all brilliant, and I tell them so. They all have choices, as I so remind them. I tell them that their youth is slippery, like a thumb against satin. I want them to cherish any childhood they have left. They never will - they are all obstinate, just like I was at their age, and determined to not need anyone or anything.

But they need. And they express that need at times. And sometimes, I was there to help fill that need and give them the push toward a better tomorrow. Many times I wished I could impart more knowledge and opinion, challenge them to defend their beliefs - their teenage cores. Many times I listened and said the minimum, knowing they had to discover their own truths and pick their own paths.

I have two weeks left of teaching high school.

I wonder if they'll miss me as much as I'll miss them.

Just notes...

Only three days left of blissful Spring Break. Monday will be filled with tanned, talkative teenagers all revealing their alcohol-filled adventures. Of course, the teachers will be talking about the same thing, just not in front of everyone.

Life on break is euphoric. I'm going to miss these mini-respites when I am no longer a teacher...

Happy weekend and Merry Easter!